Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind

2007-03-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - More Awareness -- Part II

Honest, folks, I don't think I am an Apple Fanboy, at least not until I read Part II of the dude I turned you on to last week, Daniel Eran. Now it's kinda "don't ask, don't tell" for me.

This time, he talks about Microsoft's Plot to Kill QuickTime as a continuation of Mac Office, $150 Million, and the Story Nobody Covered and...I gotta tell yah...it's powerful stuff! And...it makes me wanna puke.

When you see it all so skillfully word-carved to us, you begin to see...even more...the sinister, evil behind the benign affectation of one Mr. Bill Gates! I am speechless.

Once again, a long but spellbinding read. You owe it to yourself, in your quest for truth...to read it.

Microstiff

Mini-Microsoft: Stirring the Microsoft Comment Pot on a Rainy Weekend

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-13T09:13:00.001-07:00

Microstiff – Denial Alert! Danger, Will Robinson!

I’d just like to pontificate a bit about the Microsoft “State of the Company.”

All too often, we humans fall into a false sense of security brought upon by our own denial and the acts of those who came before us. Case in point: Veterans Administration complacency.

Microsoft is behaving much like the VA. Its facilities (products) are crumbling, its services lacking, its management arrogant and its chain of command fat and happy and in blissful denial. Lucky for the VA and all veterans that someone can cause “heads to roll”. No such luck at the Softie.

And so, to the man in the greatest denial, Bill Gates, and to the chain of command and all their charges, I present you with this little vignette, this synopsis of the state of your company, today, March 13, 2007. We’ll call it the first Microstiff Microsoft State of the Company speech:

“Softies, I come before you today to shake you awake. Not that you’re asleep but, that you’re in a dream, self-induced dream which has each and every one of you as masters of your fate in a company that is poised on the edge of further unimagined greatness to the benefit of all mankind. For those of you inside of this dream, I attempt to shake you, to wake you with the following:

Your leaders have screwed with your biggest cash cow – your operating system. Not only is Vista, a backward step but, it has no compelling buying proposition, it forces people to purchase more hardware, it works with not a lot of programs and drivers and it inhibits productivity with its outrageous security interventions.

And then, as if to whip out the Derringer and fire off a round into le foote, your leaders announce that a new operating system, Vienna, is coming in 2009 (two short years away) and, oh, by the way, we're only going to support Vista for five (5) years!

Your leaders do this at a time when Apple comes out with a newer, better OS, when Ubuntu Linux is making great headway and perception of your treatment of governments, partners, stockholders and customers…is at an all time low.

What were you thinking? “Go ahead, I dare you, go somewhere else; we know what’s best for you but, more importantly, we don’t care what’s best for you and...we don't care what's best for us...we just...don't....care!”

Go somewhere else, they will, Softies! And what’s worse…you’ll actually be surprised!
Your leaders screwed with your 2^nd biggest cash cow – Office. It’s not really about the “Ribbon”, although that will cause some to jump ship; it’s how tightly you’ve integrated into your collaboration Office scheme with in-house servers only – Share Point. You’re building a walled garden at a time when the rest of the world is viewing the “Cloud” as the economical, “good enough” way to share information. It’s “good enough.”

Oh, this little game of “capture the IT Center” will work for many of your current customers but, not as many as you’d like. In effect, you are creating a chasm between you and your existing customers and new prospects. Just like your brutal assumptions re: Vista, you’re forcing a choice. To many, that choice – the Cloud – will give them all the collaboration they need for $50 a year (Google Apps)!

And, where were you when Google (painful to hear that name, isn’t it?), Corel and others knew enough to build “Cloud Word Processing/Spreadsheet Collaboration Lite”? It’s already far too late to get back any customers these solutions created. What would you promise them? Free Office Live? It’s a mess.

Build bridges, not chasms! Not your style, is it? And…it will doom you. What were you thinking?
Server Software – Well, what do you know? You pretty much left this cash cow alone. Someone done good. Unfortunately, while you primp the server software for bigger and better things, i.e. – collaboration, companies small and large are looking very closely at Web 2.0 – the Cloud. And, don’t forget, Office Live, all 190,000 stranded customers, eats into your server efforts! What were you thinking?
Cash Cows in Waiting? -- Nary a one:

· Office Live – Totally screwed. It’s really clear here that you are primarily a software company with big bucks and that is all! Office Live is a SERVICE and thus far, you’ve proven you’re NOT…with stranded customers, no responsive support, good software tied together with poor connectivity and more. And you’ve got Best Buy Geek Squad selling it. Those dudes and dudettes ain’t vertical. They’re hardware! What were you thinking?

Ray Ozzie? Totally beaten down. He’ll be in Swampscott by January.

· Search - With no compelling “buying proposition” for search users, your market share continues to dwindle and your search gurus jump ship. Totally screwed! What were you thinking?

· Branding – Is it Live or is it MSN? Is it HotMail or NotMail? Is Windows Live actually live? WTF were you thinking?

· Dynamic - Jeeze, you better hope you’ve got enough trained Softies to sell, train and support this Purchased-from-Great-Plains-and-Turned-into-Nothing-So-Far solution for MB businesses! Given that you are a software company and NOTHING ELSE, somehow, I doubt you will. What were you thinking!

· Zune - Tsk! You are a SOFTWARE COMPANY! That’s all!

Still not Convinced - Go here.

· Jeeze – I’m getting depressed and I don’t work there and have not stock!

Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer, Lisa Brummel, Brad Smith and all Partners - Lou Gerstner, where are you?

CONCLUSIONS: You decide the state of the company. Let’s say I’m your teacher in a high school business class. I propose the above scenario to you. I summarize by saying,

Let’s review. This company has somehow made its two biggest selling products considerably less desirable to customers and never even consulted them about what they might like for features. Then, on every other project of any significance, they have failed miserably with no immediate relief in sight. Finally, they have failed to see the significance of Web 2.0.

Class, what is your prognosis for this company? What say you?"

I think some of us can guess the answer, can't we. After all, some of us are not in denial."

Denial Alert concluded. Carry on.

Mini-Microsoft: Stirring the Microsoft Comment Pot on a Rainy Weekend
Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - A New Level of Microsoft Awareness

I have been following this dude for a couple of weeks now and, even though he's very pro-Apple, he's a prolific writer of truths of all shapes and sizes. And so, for Softies and Softie-files alike, I introduce -or reintroduce - you to him because...along with Joe Wilcox, he's good; he's real good.

He's somewhat long winded but, he spins a convincing tale. As a writer, I am amazed at his level of understanding of his subject matter and, like Joe Wilcox, I wonder where he gets the "time" to write all of this and write it so well.

Give him a try because...he's raised my level of understanding of just how deep-seated the culture of evil just may be at your beloved company with this Sunday afternoon article. Should you wade through it...you WILL be enlightened! Nuff said.

Microstiff

Mini-Microsoft: Stirring the Microsoft Comment Pot on a Rainy Weekend
Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-10T05:18:00.000-08:00

Microstiff-It's Sunday "Praise the Empire" time again...

This is week 2 of a new Sunday ritual: "Praise the Empire". Lord knows it's easy to criticize the Softie. So...every Sunday, to provide balance to my thoughts, give credit where credit is due and be the good person I think I am or want to be...I'll dig up some "good stuff".

Update: Yeah, I know, it's Saturday! I'm taking a little road trip. See you Monday!

So far, it has been difficult for me but...I'm doing it...still! Like the nightly news, "good stuff" can be boring so...I'll try my best to put a humorous spin on it. Here goes:

Microsoft Purchases Firefox! - In a move that stunned the technical community, the Softie has just announced the purchase of the Firefox web browsing company, Mozilla, for an undisclosed price. Unknown to all but a few close confidants of Bill Gates, Uber-CEO and Chairman of the Board of Microsoft Corporation, the deal was signed this Friday. Concurrent with the signing, the www.msfirefox.com web site was also christened. Refer to it for additional information.
"From Russia with Luff" - Some kind words about Microsoft from our Putin-ized Russian friends. When you read it, it'll give you a new slant on the sincerity and kindliness of "the boys in red." Here's some more links by the author with kindly words for the Softie. Happy reading!
New Xbox Game Teaches 4 Year Olds Programming - "...kids can programme a robot in a simulated world to interact, travel among various objects created by them, and even eat a virtual apple." Kudos to the Softie for looking for new ways other than employing HB1 types...as programmers. Remember now, Bill, they have to have at least 4 hours of home schooling per day and cannot work more than eight (8) hours. And, do you think it's wise to introduce them to a ruthless competitive spirit; really, "Virtually Eating Apple"? Please!
Microsoft's Don Dodge speaks for (against?) the Company - Kudos to Bill and Steve for allowing Don Dodge, Microsoft Emerging Business Team to dump on MSFT Legal for dumping on Google. Brad...just shut up, will yah!

Oops! Once again, I slipped back to my old "Slap the Softie" ways. Face it, folks...it's just so easy!

And, once again I begin morphing back into Mr. Hyde. I'll Dr. Jekyll you next Sunday!

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-09T07:58:00.000-08:00

Microstiff-Friday Again...Time for F. N. Stoopit!

"Duh, hi, again! It's Friday, March 9, and here's my big 'ol rant: A big Duh-mbo! Award goes out to duh-what you guys at the Softie have been calling "LIVE". I heard that there's a whole passel of things

F. N. Stoopit!

you call "LIVE" down there in Redmond. In fact, everything that's got a name down there, you added that word "Live" to it; am I right?

Windows got Windows Live, Office got Office Live (I hear that Office Live isn't even bout Microsoft Office!), OneCare Live (which is some sort of way to give support to people and...it isn't even ONLINE...which means Live...to me!) I heard that-duh free towel program you've got down there is called Towel Live and...listen to this...they're cooking up a plan to call Windows Live...Windows Live Live to make it more live than them ones that ain't actually...that...live...like OneCare Live. Hey, based on what's come before it...it makes sense to me! You?

To me, L-I-V-E means "here", "right now". If I'm watching Saturday Night Live it's "here", "right now". If it's one of those reepeets, then at least I know it was live when folks were watching for the first time.

Now I've heard that you're firing all those big wigs associated with the "Live" program. I bet they're all feeling like getting fired is "here", "right now" aren't they! Where I come from you couldn't get much more LIVE than getting fired! In fact, my uncle, Billy Bubba Bob "Crawdaddy" Crawford was fired from the post office the other day. It was done Live and so was the rounds of buckshot he pumped into the front of the Post Office trailer!

Anyway, I've got solution to all this Live stuff. All the information we're looking for is in one of three (3) places. The server down the hall, the computer on my desktop and the place they call the Cloud...which is sort like the server down a longer hall. That way, if the programs you want are on the server down the hall, you call it Server Services. If they're on your Desktop, you call it Desktop Services and...if they're in the Clouds, you call it what? That's right...Cloud Services!

But that'd be way to simple so...you know the Softie isn't gonna do that. Softie don't play that!

Update: Now I heard that they're giving "Live" over to the "Windows" boys; you know the "cash cow with shrinking hooters"! How the hell are THEY gonna make things happen? They can't get Vista right! Dang...everybody including my dog "Ubuntu" knows that!

"That's all I got. See you next Friday!"

P.S. - "You know, I swear, it still just doesn't make any sense to me that a company with 70,000 folks a shuffling around down there couldn't ask one or two of them what they should name this stuff.

"But...I'm the only one that's F. N. Stoopit!...right?"

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-03-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

Microstiff- Day 1 on Campus as Softie Evangelizer

Well, Thomas Hawk recommends, in his 4^th and final step to turn around Microsoft, that... “…rather than one or two top evangelists though they should hire about 30 of these connectors and also give them direct access to the executives making the business decisions at Microsoft.” I was the 30^th, they told me...when they said, "welcome aboard." Tsk.

Hey, no big deal since I was the only one who convinced Bill we needed at least these two (2) primary conditions in place to make things work:

Impromptu video shoots by this Blogger ...all with fun…yet tough questions to all of the interviewees AND access, as Hawk recommends, to everyone, from Bill to the janitor.

These are to be “in camera” edits which means no 2^nd and 3^rd takes; the OFF button will be the only scene change; i.e. “cuts-only”.

I impressed Bill with my lengthy experience as a wedding videographer and my many stand-up comedy gigs. One with Yakov Smirnov (sorry, Rusky-philes, he's from Iowa). My wedding examples spoke for themselves as did my witty repartee.
Transparency. No question is off limits. Subjects simply don’t have to answer. This will have the effect of bringing the elephant into focus – you know… the one in the room. It will be a promised breath of fresh air. Since my experience is more the computing industry, training, sales, marketing with a strong background in computing – BS/MIS, Northeastern University, Boston, MA, this additional "well-roundedness" made me ideal for the job.

And so, it began... the last of 30 guys and gals ferreting out the good stuff. Lord knows, with 70,000 employees, there’s plenty there. Just got to go “shoot” it.

As Bill and I shook hands, he also thanked me for stopping this incessant negative Microsoft Blogging as "Microstiff". I said, “you’re welcome, Bill, but remember, this is all going to be transferred humorously…to video. Same truthfulness, different medium.”

He paused for one of his 180 IQ nano-seconds and said, “Yup, lets’ hope it works.”

I said, “Oh, it will. It’s gonna be Scoble with an edge…a humorous edge.” He smiled and we parted.

I had to admire him; for one who finds it hard to give his kids a puppy to give this Evangelist the "humorist - devils advocate" position behind the three chip Sony...must have been hard for him. "I now see why he is where he is", I said to myself as I popped the first tape into the Sony, strapped the battery belt on and walked down the hallway on the way to LisaB's office. Let the games begin!

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

Microstiff-Microsoft’s Dysfunction/Lottery Analogy

With all the latest anecdotal evidence of a Microsoft “foot-shooting implosion of the self-flagellation kind”, I got to thinking of just what the Softie was reminding me of. Something far away in my brain was tugging at me. I “slept on it” and sure enough, good ‘ol RIGHT BRAIN came up with the answer. (BTW – if you’re left-handed, is it your LEFT BRAIN that does that “subconscious two-step” for you?).

The answer is: Microsoft reminds me of the addicted/dysfunctional family that wins the lottery! Because they inevitably have “collected” self-defeating behaviors all their lifetimes, especially attitudes around money, they wobble and weave their way toward spiritual and actual bankruptcy soon after the money arrives.

And, for Microsoft, arrive it has! Fortuitous windfall profits from a continually lactating cash cow “A drunkards dream if I ever did see one”! (Eeeooo, makes you wanna swear off milk, doesn’t it!)

I’ll go one step further. The 70,000 Microsoft employees are like a gigantic AA meeting without the 12 Steps! For those of you who are a “friend of Bill’s” (not Gates; perish the thought!)…you’ll know what I mean. For those of you not, let me explain:

You gather under one roof, all 70,000 strong with one goal in mind: “To make a difference (pay the bills)”. However, the entity to whom you have entrusted that mission is not AA, not the universe, not God. It is Bill Gates and his partnering pals. Hence, your company has no real 12 steps to success. In fact, it has nothing except a HUGE cash supply. Microsoft is, in effect like a cork on the sea, waiting to be directed by the “winds of someone else’s successful, yet under funded…idea.” Then it swoops in with chests full of money, throwing thousands of people at the project and…it occasionally…wins: Windows, Office, Server.

Ahh, those were the good old days, weren’t they?! But now, as you lose more employees, customers and believers, you find yourself grasping for respect (we witness the flurry of your public relations postings of recent and past days). Your company blithely sails, nay...bobs its way towards another failure until the employees, customers and believers all run out. Such is the fate of the "Bad Ship Microsoft."

What’s the answer? Fire Bill Gates! Can Steve Ballmer! Stuff Lisa Brummel (HR)! Release the Partners and their sycophantic flunkies! Bring in a strong leader with simple goals. Rewrite every Mission Statement, Policy and most procedures. Invent something! Innovate! Live! (Not Lyve, Live as in “Live long and prosper”...the other word is dead at Microsoft!)

And Finally: Trust the bumper sticker, “First Things First”... Fire Bill Gates!

Do this and…as they say in the New York State Lottery TV Ads, “Hey, you never know!”

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-07T05:09:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - In Praise of Mini-Microsoft

Nothing could be more gratifying than praise from your fellow reporters and writer friends. I am not necessarily speaking of me - Microstiff.

No, this praise comes from a recognized industry pundit, Rob Enderle of TechNewsWorld and I thought I would tell you about it because...well...it's good stuff!

Rob says it all here and I would like to highlight some of the things that struck me:

There are two guilty pleasures I've developed of late. One is reading "Mini-Microsoft," which is an unauthorized blog by a Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) employee that probably does more to provide a glimpse inside the company and humanize it than anything the firm is officially doing. Taking this beyond Microsoft, I wonder if there is a way to do this more effectively to help a floundering company from the inside."

And more:

So, I really sympathize with the guy who writes "Mini-Microsoft," as well as the guy who used to write (and probably work) for Apple. The "Mini-Microsoft" posts are insightful and likely reflect the feelings inside the company more closely than its own employee surveys do."

Yet more:

According to one rule for effective teambuilding, the ratio of praise to criticism should be 4 to 1. "Mini-Microsoft" suggests it's more like 1 to 2; there is praise, but there seems to be much less of it than criticism. When there is a variation from this rule, it should probably go the other way."

And finally:

If there is criticism, there must be actionable recommendations. I actually think "Mini-Microsoft," in general, does a rather nice job of this. The author does seem to generally consider the implications of what he is criticizing and discusses action items. In most cases, when I see posts like this, they are constant rants. Rants are just annoying, and I've never seen them accomplish much of anything."

A few points from Microstiff:

Readers of Mini, let's all keep up the "actionable recommend- ations" part of our bargain, unwritten, to dialog with Mini!

Regarding "Praise" - Three (3) simple techniques, used sincerely, not manipulatively:

"Praise in public, criticize in private" - Think about it. Sit down with someone and talk with them. If you're a manager, show them how they can improve. Too many times we say to ourselves, "his/her work sucks" and then, as managers, we don't try to correct it. It could be as simple, for them, as not knowing how something is done.
"You can't know what you don't know" - Manager, ascertain what the employee knows and doesn't know. Don't cast blame because the employee may not know the right answer/policy/procedure; simply work to correct it. Don't "should" on the employee.
Use the Sandwich Technique for behavior modification: "Praise (bread), problem behavior (meat), Praise again (bread). It works! Try it at home.

Again, Mini, congratulations on getting some well-deserved praise!

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

Microstiff-DOT, FAA, M-o-u-s-e! Who's the Leader...

...of the club that's made for you and me?
Bill Gates? Nuh-uh.
Steve Ballmer? Nuh-uh.
It's good old Uncle Sam! That's right. Right now he's the tail and Microsoft's the dog...and they's gettin' wagged! Oh, yeah!

How is this so, you say? Listen to this: Today, right on the tail
of the DOT ix-naying the ista-Vay, Office-ay 2007 and Explorer-ay 7 installation at all DOT sites, the FAA is announcing the same thing only they're taking it a step further; a HUGE step further:

...the top technology official at the Federal Aviation Administration revealed that he is considering a permanent ban on the Microsoft software in favor of a combination of Google's new online business applications running on Linux-based hardware."

What could this mean? Well, for one, that your uncle may have reached a fork in the road. Here's the fork:

Bowen's compatibility concerns, combined with the potential cost of upgrading the FAA's 45,000 workers to Microsoft's next-generation desktop environment, could make the moratorium permanent."

Gulp! Here's what Microsoft has to do to keep it all from happening:

...if Microsoft can satisfy his concerns over compatibility with the agency's existing applications and demonstrate why such a move would make financial sense given Google Apps's low price. "We have a trip to Microsoft scheduled for later this month," said Bowen."

.
Gulp! If you read the full article, you're left wondering, nay....doubting, nay...convinced...the Softie can't possibly do that. Softie don't play that! Softie CAN'T play that (see dumping, Robinson-Patman, Sherman Act).

Is Microsoft going to run the alphabet of all the government agencies. Who's next? FBI, CIA, M-o-u-s-e!

Subscribe in a reader

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-03-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Microsoft: Tinkerbell or Captain Hook? Aargh!

Chris Messina of Citizenagency.com says,

...the truth of the matter is that the core of Microsoft never changed, and that the values that propelled it to the top were antithetical to the openness, transparency and ethics that would rule in Web 2.0."

Chris strikes a chord with me and perhaps, you, when he goes on to say,

So in extending this a little further, I think Microsoft could have benefited from taking a Tinkerbell mentality — that is, one of utter subservience and partnership with its customers — listening to them, responding, guiding forward and taking risks, all because it believed it was acting in the interest of its most important customers, and not its shareholders."

And...

Now it seems, given the lukewarm response to Vista, that Microsoft’s Tinkerbell has, much like its mojo, died."

I think we can tell that Chris is "good folk" and someone you'd want on your side. He quotes Tim Bray in short little blurb witnessing the Softie's self-defeating behavior. Strong stuff.

I just want to add one thing - sort of a "Microstiff Denial Alert" - Tinkerbell hasn't died! She hasn't even arrived yet! Which of the Disney (Great site!) figures do you see as ruling the Evil Empire? I thought so!

No, my dear Microsofties and Softiefiles, it's Captain Hook at the helm. Aargh! And...he has several thousand Smee's to do his dirty work! (That'd be the partners and the managing sycophants, therein.)

No, dear hearts, if you've read this far, you are probably one of the many "Tinkerbells" this world needs to write the code and right the wrongs. It is the shortsighted Captain Hook's of the world who, in fear, must keep up the facade that they are in control of the ship, the customer, the marketplace, the OS...the world!

But, being a "Tinkerbell" doesn't mean being a pushover; far from it. Let's remember to keep up the good fight and maybe, just maybe, with or without the "fairy dust" we will elevate a "Tinker-Captain" to the helm. Let's just hope that the ship's excess Bounty doesn't postpone the coming Mutiny...for too long! Let's get back the MOJO!

Update: Some comfort: Remember that "People of the Lie", the facade mangers, the evil doers...have one primary trait - FEAR! So, go forth with the knowledge that those who hide the truth, should they be brave enough to read these words and others like them, are trembling from the fear of DISCOVERY and/or LOSING THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL THEY NOW HAVE. Believe it!

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.

Subscribe in a reader

2007-03-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Monday Daily Softie Slapdown

Today's best "The Emperor has No Elephants" musings from writers who know best!

The "Oww" Starts Now! -
Subscribe in a reader

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.

2007-03-05T05:08:00.000-08:00

"Microstiff - Office Live Technical Support...Can I Help You?"

"Good Monday Morning to you." How may I be of service to you?"

"No, I am sorry, we can't get you out of beta just yet. The Brahma bull tripped over the power cord and we have to wait for him to leave."

Update: IMHO, this pic is real; check it out, Dog! You can't make this stuff up!

Subscribe in a reader

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.

2007-03-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

Microstiff-Microsoft Sunday Go-to-Meetin' Love-in - "Praise the Empire"

This week kicks off a Sunday ritual: "Praise the Empire". Lord knows it's easy to criticize the Softie. So...every Sunday, to provide balance to my thoughts, give credit where credit is due and be the good person I think I am or want to be...I'll dig up some "good stuff".

It will likely be more difficult for me but...do it...I will. Like the nightly news, "good stuff" can be boring so...I'll try my best to put a humorous spin on it. Here goes:

The Softie is...well...and "old Softie" - Want to give to your favorite charity and not spend a dime? Bill "charity-is-thy-middle-name" Gates and his bevy of programmers has found a way -- Just use MSN Messenger! Sure, there's a profit motive but...how can you beat the tie-in to charity?
If it ain't Steve Ballmer, then he's got a twin - You have to respect any Microsoftie who sticks up for his company in the face of these times of rising opposition. Kudos to this Steve Ballmer sound-a-like for hanging in there with the good words about the Softie.
Mikey...he likes it! - You say your kid brother is a pain in the butt? You say video games are making him nuts? Microsoft has a plan: Turn him into a developer ...for free! Looks like the Softie needs some Cloud Boys to do their thing. Must be the current batch, you know the 28-year-olders, are much too set in their ways to learn...the Cloud. It's all good! "Hey, Cloudboy! Go to your room. No dessert until you finish your peas AND...your code!"
Update: Sam's Club, Vista and moi - Did I tell you I tried Vista for the first time at Sam's Club on Saturday? It was installed on all of their desktop offerings (Both of them; HP's). First impressions? You gotta like the interface! Very Hollywood. Very fade in fade out on the nicely rounded windows. Pretty face! I liked (I didn't say adored!) the gadgets to the right for calendar and time. All in all, more better pretty...more entertaining. Couldn't launch anything special nor use any drivers (where all the problems lie) but, the UI is on the right path...towards Vienna in 2009! Hey, why not wait, I say?
"Hey...get your red hot Vista Ultimate here...only $200!" - Gotta respect the Softie for finding clever ways to get you to buy Vista at tremendously reduced prices. IMHO, sales are sooooooooo bad that they are willing to knight you as a "system builder". By their definition a "system builder" is "...an installer of software on computer systems". That'd be you...that'd be me...that'd be my cat! And hey, if you're an Aussie Uni student (attend college in Australia) you can get MS Office for $25! Who says (MSFT) isn't INNOVATIVE? Thank you, Bill.

However, let me get this straight. Bill, you hate pirates (this year only; apparently they weren't a problem in years past). Yes, you hate pirates BUT...you are willing to turn people into what I call "1/2 a pirate". How? By calling them a system builder when they ain't. So, we both look at each other and wink, right? But, what about all those people who paid $400 for Ultimate? Rebate time!

Oops! Sorry, I slipped back to my old "Slap the Softie" ways. Face it, folks...it's just so easy!

I must be morphing back into Mr. Hyde. I'll Dr. Jekyll you next Sunday!

More Updates during the day...

Subscribe in a reader

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness

2007-03-02T10:23:00.001-08:00

Microstiff – Bits & Pieces from the Week

(Microsofties, keep an empty waste basket nearby 'cuz the room's starting to spin!)

Update (Saturday, 3/3/2007 12:05 pm est): Early Returns on GoogleApps adoption - As I recently prefaced elsewhere, here comes Google! Check out the adoption figures half way down the page. Are those 103,000 (38,000 & 65,000) people lost to Google forever? Once they adopt, only money or extreme freebies would win them over to Microsoft, IMHO. And, at this point, there's nothing in the Softie Cloud to win them over to! Tsk! Pass the barf bag, now! (Empty wastebaskets on the ground, barf bags in the Cloud.)
Update: More Cloud Talk - Microsoft's aversion to "lead and you lose" needn't apply to what I call "natural innovation" -- stuff that doesn't pass the USPTO "novelty test" and yet...is profit making and needs no "wait and see" attitude. Such is the category in which I'll place LIVE word processing, LIVE spreadsheets and LIVE collaboration with the documents created by these two towers of "killer app" notoriety.

My point is this: Someone at the Evil Empire should and could have seen this coming. This is quite a natural progression of the art...utilizing the Internet! It's indicative of the "circle the wagons" mentality in Redmond and it perhaps bodes not so well as an indicator of future actions at the Softie. Are you reaching for that waste basket, yet?
Vista’s got a full 1% (.093) of the market, now! At this rate, there’ll be full Vista market penetration in 10 years! And… just think, Vista is only going to be supported for 5 years! Makes me want to run out and buy it now! Great selling tool, this support promise. Looks like Vienna in 2009 with Cloud front end is Ozzie and Hairless' plan to "leapfrog-the-Vista-Dog" ...doesn't it? God...what a great buy proposition that Vista offers...right? Move over, Windows Me, make room on this scrapheap of MSFT boondoggles; hey, it's only 5 years and $6 billion later!

Update: Based upon Vienna short schedule, current Vista sales and no hint of MSFT burning up that $500 million Vista marketing petty cash, IMHO, the OS Cash Cow will be without milk for two (2) more years! Adjust your MSFT stock portfolio accordingly!

Update: File this under "Money Stockholders Will Never Touch" - I got to thinking, about what Vista will have cost the stockholders in those two (2) years before Vienna's release. Stay with me, here:

$6 billion - sunk development costs--------
$7 billion - stock market value ------------
loss from Steve Ballmer Hoof & Mouth
$5 billion - ball park lost revenue 2 yrs-----
----------------------------------------
$18 billion (Same as 2006 income bef. taxes)

I'm no financial wizard but this $18 billion loss is the same as having zero net income for 2006! I am sure there are ways to cook this but...the figures speak for themselves!

Should MSFT combat piracy by lowering prices? A few think so. But, it shouldn’t be done this way, should it now, mate? I suppose the powers that be will now say, “See, I told you lowering the prices wouldn’t work!”

Now is THIS really necessary? Click here and check out the url window. Then look at the content. Don’t know that I’d want to waste $8.95 a year on a "url redirect" to make this point. (Hey, if you see a brown Zune in the frame...doesn't it look just like someone crapped on an Ipod?) Update: Monday, 3/5/2007 - Oops! They took the "crappy" Zune down. Now it says, "The Wow Starts Now!" Didn't that start about 6 weeks ago? I guess it just keeps starting whenever the Sofite wants it to. Tsk!
Update: Speaking of Bureaucracies! Sorry, Federal Workers but...you can't install Vista, IE7 or Office 2007. Jeeze, except for Word/Excel Power users who don't mind a lengthy learning curve with Office 2007, who the hell would want to...anyway! Did you catch the last sentence? "Any prolonged ban on new Microsoft technologies by the federal government could have a significant impact on the software maker's bottom line, as Microsoft sells millions of dollars in software to the feds annually."
Update: Microsoft OneCare came in dead last out of a group of 17 anti-virus programs tested against hundreds of thousands of worms, viruses, Trojan horses and other malware, an Austrian anti-virus researcher reported. (Read this; it's powerful stuff!)

Yeah, but can you trust those Austrians? They're in the EU, aren't they? Time to hoist those Vista prices in Austria? Won't matter. No one's buying.
Update: You're not going to believe this! Let's say you're a startup company. You've got this hot new cloud offering that gives SMB's free domain name, website and emails at your own domain name and...free accounting software. With this offer you are able to attract an amazing 190,000 beta customers. You're in heaven. You can't wait to go live and impress them even more!

But, there's a problem; you can't convert them without a little work and...if they want to use the new software instead of convert, they will lose their domains. What should you do for those 190,000 beta customers. Do the words "jump through hoops" come to mind?

Now, what if you're Microsoft? Do the words, "screw it up" come to mind? See how they did it. Is it any wonder the Live initiative is in shambles?

You know, I've been in computers since they were IBM 609 punched card calculating machines. I have never in my life seen such incompetence when it comes to customer care. From the software point of view, never would we let something like this even go to beta. These people are clueless! Update: And now THIS!
Update: If you were a student here would you think this was cool? Apparently, 5,000 of them did, as well as 250 teachers. This just exemplifies how Microsoft created their own "tipping point" by creating a combined software-hardware cost bubble which forced the move (buy Vista and you have to upgrade hardware). Isn't there one person at Microsoft who saw this coming? Tsk.

BTW, when we spot an extra dumb or denial-inspired move by MSFT, we’ll give out a “Duh-mbo Award”. A “Duh-mbo Award” will look like this:

Here’s one: Punishing the British for being in the EU by charging the poor blokes nearly twice as much for Vista as we American’s pay. Hey, there’s got to be some way to recoup the EU fines!

This post will be updated until the ending Sunday of each week so, keep coming back.

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-03-01T19:05:00.001-08:00

Microstiff - Well...It's Friday and It's F. N. Stoopit!

"Duh, hi! I thought I'd kick off the first F. N. Stoopit! rant this Friday, March 2, by talking about, duh-what you guys have been callin' the "elephant in the room." I s'pose that means some folks just can't see what's right there in front of their faces."
F. N. Stoopit!

"Duh-what I think is real obvious is that the whole company, Microsoft, from top to bottom, just let Google and Corel make a big old duh-ummy out of them by giving everybody who's online, all 850 million (that's a lot, isn't it?) a chance to have free werd processing and free spredsheets and a chance to share them all with each other. I mean, sure Microsoft has a lot of money coming in every year from Werd and Excel but shouldn't they at least try to stay up with or maybe copy the other guys? That way, they could be "in the runnin'", you know..in the game, and give them there 850 million customers another choice ... maybe even the BEST choice! I've heard that duh-havin' a choice is real important to some folks, don'tcha think?"

"Things is movin' fast nowdays and it's prolley more important to LEAD in the marketplace than it is to FOLLOW, otherwise...you get caught with your britches down, fer sure! Bein' a follower was OK back when there was no Internet and a few companies. Pshaw, just look how Microsoft blew up IBM OS/2 and trampled Werdperfect real fast. Boom! Crunch! But now, how do they blow up Google Apps and Werperfect Lightning? They's way up there a floatin' in that there cloud some place!"

"If'n I was Microsoft, I'd be kinda scared; not the kinda scared that is like a basketball team or a football team when they 's way ahead and start to get real defensive and then start losing'. I'duh keep playing new plays and run just as hard so that I could feel like I was a doin' something; you know....like I was alive! The other way, I'duh just be hopin' they didn't catch me in time to figure out I was goofin' off. Anyway, that's just me, I guess."

"But, I'll betcha Microsoft plays just like that - Big lead, real arrowgant, just coast to the finish line! You know, the other day, I heared someone say they's "in the Nile", which don't make no sense to me...at all!""Anyway, if I's Microsoft, I sure would hate it if all them people using Google Apps and Werdperfect Lightning liked 'em so much that...no matter WHAT I DID...they just wouldn't use my stuff...let alone change over to it. Anyway, maybe that's just me."

"Oh, well...somethin' to think about. Duh, see you next Friday!"

P.S. - "You know, I swear, it still just don't make no sense to me that a company with the best werd processing software and the best spredsheet software in the world would let someone have such a big ol' head start to prove they's better than me in that there cloud.Twice'st! Not to mention them other cloud werd processors and spredsheets out there. What are they called? AjaxWrite, ThinkFree, ZohoWriter, gOffice, numsum, and ZohoSheet to name a few."

"But...I'm the only one that's F. N. Stoopit!...right?"

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: There's Ray! Plus: Plenty of Room For More Brains at Microsoft.
Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-03-01T04:51:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Read these 4 consecutive posts - Eye opener!

"Houston...we have a problem!"

BTW - Notice how the Dell site had 94,866 requests for pre-loaded Linux on Dells! When's the last time you saw 94,000 of anything...let alone hits?! Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness

2007-02-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - If it's Friday...it's "F.N. Stoopit"

Click to Enlarge

Update: More "Upgrades" to XP and...of these two parties which is more likely to lie?

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness

2007-02-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Ray Ozzie Appears...there’s 45 More Days of Winter!

Honestly, folks, is there anyone at Microsoft who can say the things I want to hear? It’s getting to the point where I just want someone to get up, play with the microphone, clear their throat and then…lie to me! Just do it with enthusiasm and…you’ve got me!

I get this picture in my head of Ferris Buehler’s teacher calling out his name for attendance: “Buehler?…… Buehler?………… Buehler?” You know, with that monotonic drone-like voice we have all come to love in him but hate in others; especially Microsoft leaders. Is this company a freakin’ utility or something? Jeezus, get the hook!

The three reporters I culled my information from regarding Ray Ozzie’s latest “state of the service” speech, report it in exactly the same boring way it must have been presented! Can we get somebody in here to read these guy’s notes or something. Robin Williams? Tony Robbins? Anybody!

This company needs a spokesman! Someone to get people charged up. Oh, but first they need to produce products & services that charge people up! My bad. Carry on.

P.S. - I guess my days as a Dale Carnegie Human Relations & Effective Speaking Course instructor have...well...affected me. Remember? "ACT Enthusiastic and you'll BE Enthusiastic!" or..."I know men in the ranks who are going to stay in the ranks! Why? I'll tell you why! Simply..... because..... they..... haven't..... the..... ability..... to..... get...... things..... done!" Know anyone like that?

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness

2007-02-26T14:54:00.001-08:00

Microstiff – Is It Me or Has the Subject Been Changed?

Update: More very ugly Vista news! And... It's the price, STOOPIT! Plus: Go here for Vista post launch implode time line. Yow!...ugliest!

Where’s the Vista-hype? Where’s the Vista Bus? How is that $500 million petty cash fund for promoting what has become the equivalent of XP SP1.95 (14% slower than XP!)…doing? Answers to those questions and more…coming up next!

Not really. However, judging by the lack of buzz, if feels like the Evil Empire is about to save perhaps $450 million and put it towards a single, new, exciting Vista feature and buying proposition? Yes? Well…at least you’d think so by the lack of promotion for LipstickPigPoke formerly known as Longhorn. In fact, all that’s coming out of Redmond of late – February 26, 2007 and the 2 weeks previous – has been…well…Vista silence. Some examples are these announcements:

Yawn.

Perhaps it’s the great embarrassment and $6 billion cap loss from Steve Ballmer’s "Hoof and Mouth MSFT Stock Certificate Rain Dance". Maybe Steve’s curled up along side of Ray Ozzie on the company shrink’s couch and no one’s bustin' a move. It sure feels like the calm before the storm to me! The sword’s about to fall! The other shoe’s about to drop! The stock’s about to plummet! Well, so far, we’re 1 for 3; can we keep it that way?

I think not. I think something’s coming around the bend and soon. I think there’s been a sort of “Mini-Intervention” (Not a “small” intervention but, an intervention by Mini-Microsoft). Mini has buckled BillSteveBradLisa over with one, solid Denial blow to the midsection. Four for the price of one! Microsofties and the world at large are soon to receive great tidings of comfort and joy from these Microsoft Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse! (a mashup from that great Notre Dame backfield and some other reference)

I can feel it in the air…in my bones…in my fingertips dancing across my Gateway keyboard. Something is a comin' to raise the spirits and paychecks of all Microsofties and the stock prices of all MSFT stockholders!

Meanwhile, while you’re waiting, the Vista Bus is coming soon to your town (shown here with Bink.nu’s Ryan Hoffman on it and of course Microsoft’s Nick White demonstrating a bus-satellited Google Mapping of the many McDonalds’ they just visited between Redmond and Seattle.) What could they possibly show us when they come to our town? I might go just to see the inside of that bus. Ka-Ching! Otherwise, yawn.

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness

2007-02-26T05:31:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Denial Alert: Mini-Microsoft, Don Dodge, others…

Alert # 1 - Don Dodge, Director of Business Development for Microsoft's Emerging Business Team, says a few denial-laden statements worth hammering:

Microsoft will do everything possible to preserve these businesses while transitioning to the new Live strategy. The technical vision is to give users the best of both worlds. That is the business strategy too. No Innovators Dilemma here.

Reeeeaaaaaly? Let me see…legacy MS Office and Office Live (thanks to Google and a few others). Late to the party and groggy from Kool–Aid, the utterer of this grandiose statement can only be described as a "wishful thinker" and dead wrong. Ain’t no stinking innovation here, just $35 billion to throw at what others are already doing. It’s a simple mash up. Only difference is that Microsoft doesn’t have the luxury of the other party - Google - having achieved immense success (reads…the returns aren’t in yet) from online services.

And…virtually NO ONE KNOWS if the subscription model will work vs. the ad model. Gut says yes but gut don’t play that game so well.

This is more than a technology battle, it is a battle of perceptions. And right now Google has the perception of being the innovator, even though there is nothing new in Google Apps. Not to worry, remember when Nintendo dominated the game console business? Xbox came out of no where and is now the percieved innovation leader. Never count Microsoft out.

No, never count Microsoft out, just call them STOOPIT! My cat could have come out with Xbox after Nintendo's punching a wide open hole in that market. What did MSFT have back then…$25 billion to throw at it? With all the HARD WORK DONE by Nintendo, in come the Pirates of the Caribbean to rape, pillage and plunder. It was timing, the only thing Microsoft seems to have a reasonable handle on but...NO CONTROL OVER.

And, puleeeeeze, “…This is more than a technology battle, it is a battle of perceptions…” This means you lose on two, count ‘em, two counts: Count 1 – In the marketplace, Perception Rules! It’s your job to change it. Count 2 – Reality is that Google IS THE INNOVATOR. They started it, they developed it, they marketed it, they’re selling it. You, dear Don, are standing by the sidelines with your duffel bag full of money waiting to get in a game that you are woefully ill-prepared to play in.

Ray’s (Ozzie, "VaporWhere?") heads down not talking and, anecdotally, he’s starting to move past the “forgiveness” point. He better have something good. It’s doubtful though, because…IT HAS TO GO THROUGH 10 levels to get a signoff. Tsk.

No, Don, your battle is from within and...it looks quite grim.

Denial Alert # 2 – Robert Scoble, One-time Microsoft Evangelizer Par Excellence:

But, I’ve learned never to bet against companies with billions of dollars in its pocket and tons of smart people still working there.

And those OTHER companies would be? Once a Softie always a ….?

Denial Alert # 3 – Mini-Microsoft – Noted Microsoft Employee and Purveyor of Truth and Voice of All Softies of Any Spiritual bent:

The comment stream is interesting, too, though to hmmm me up and say that Mini-Microsoft is to blame for any malaise at Microsoft is, in my opinion, like taking a ol' big bite from the dumb-ass tree fruit and saying, "Hey, let's beat that kid up that pointed out that the emperor is naked!" Things were not right. People moved on. Change happened and is still happening. More change is needed, but I'd say the company is in a far better position than it was two-and-a-half years ago.

Can’t speak but for only about two years of this process but…I am not willing to give you kudos for pointing out the emperor is naked. Hear me out. On some level, everyone KNOWS the emperor is naked. Even MORE IMPORTANTLY, you have, day-in-day-out, gently revealed the truth so as to make their vision clearer. If this is the same thing that you are saying, so be it.

Also, it’s doubtful your good works have put the company in a far better position than it was two-and-a-half years ago. Why? Because the truth tends to tear down before it can build up, IMHO. People DO leave; only to be replaced by more “People of the Lie”. That tearing down is going on, right now. Witness the stock value, the chaos, the rage of the Mini Bloggers.

So, continue the good works, Mini, and some day we’ll all be able to say, on your behalf, “…the company is in a far better position than it was two-and-a-half years ago.”

Update: Bringing up Ray "Vaporwhere?" Ozzie got me to thinking...IMHO, people who are glib can spin even the worst of situations into a hopeful one. Ray, who is not glib, hates public speaking and is more of a "hall walker", hands on guy, wouldn't think of spinning something...again, IMHO.

Therefore if things were real good with him, he'd tell us. If they are real bad, he wouldn't... because he COULDN'T BRING HIMSELF to put lipstick on those little "Live" piggies. Therefore, regarding the "Live" initiative...things is bad...things is real bad!

Update 2: Go here for more fuel-to-the-fire-Microstiff rants. And, here.

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-02-25T14:48:00.001-08:00

Microstiff - Are Softies about to Implode?

Anecdotally, it would seem so! Here's why:

1. The tone and tenor of posts from insiders to the Mini-Microsoft Blog - arguably, the truest measure of the pulse and heartbeat of Microsofties everywhere - is taking on a quality that can easily be described as "constrained rage". Things accelerated from resigned disappointment to "constrained rage" when CEO Steve Ballmer recently did his little rain dance on the employee's ever fading company stock certificates. "You can act any way you want but...don't f**k with my money!"

2. Insiders are now more inclined than ever to spell out in great screaming detail ...the reasons for their seething resentments. Yeah, baby!

3. Mini, usually quite neutral and constrained around bitch slapping his beloved Microsoft is standing in line with the others as he prints their rants. Jolly good!

4. Oh, and the reason for this post? A Mini insider has suggested that what Microsoft does to it's customers is out-and-out fraud! Yow!

What's going to calm these critical masses who have reached just that? The next few weeks are going to be very interesting to watch.

P.S. - Scoble removes his heavyweight championship belt, steps to the scales, weighs in. Let the games begin!

Go here for more fuel-to-the-fire-Microstiff rants.

Mini-Microsoft: Quest for Happiness
Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-02-23T15:05:00.001-08:00

Microstiff - Looks Like Office Live is...Well...Dead!

Here's who owns the name (Click pic below for full view).

Here's who THINKS they own the name.

Tsk! Looks like a no-brainer to me.

Update: And what kills me is that the headline says, "...Microsoft will FIGHT to keep the Office Live name..." Like, it's theirs, right?

Update 2: If yours truly found this iron clad trademark granted by the USPTO, how is it that MSFT Legal didn't? Answer: They did and, as usual, arrogantly assumed it could be theirs for a price. Wouldn't it be great if all truth-seekers, like us, could subsidize Live Office, LLC with the same amount that they are going to eventually extract from MSFT after a fruitless battle spending countless millions on a losing cause.

In other words, wouldn't it be great if Microsoft had to "give the name back?" Ooh! Ahh! Wow!

And...wouldn't it have been prudent and civil to approach Office Live, LLC before they - MSFT - went ahead with the name. The leverage would have been much greater meaning that the price could have been negotiated under the takeaway that MSFT doesn't really care all that much about the name and won't pay an "arm and a leg." Now, because of their failure to negotiate first they are committed to the name and are literally forced to pay an "arm and a leg" for it. Dumb! Very dumb! Big money sink hole! No wonder the stock is tanking and Vista is floundering and Britain is pissed and Softies are more than restless and Office is heavily learning-curved and Novell is aghast and Ray Ozzie is vapor-hero and...and...and...

Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-02-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Vista's a Train Wreck! More Very Poignant Truth

This is frightening!

And this...is too!

Update: Even scarier!! Here's more...gulp! And...holy shit!

Here's the YTD Vista blog-arrhea from January 30, 2007 launch.

Remember when "express" meant fast?

Hey, buddy, can you spare 3Gb?

Looks like Office Live is...well...dead !

And what must the Dell's and HP's of the world be saying when support phones are ringing off the hooks demanding XP installs on Vista computers. Razor-thin profit margins get tanked. Your channel gets pissed and stops selling Vista. Tick, tock.

Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-02-19T10:29:00.001-08:00

Microstiff – Bumper Sticker Words to Live By for Microsofties and Those Who Study Them

"Denial is the 'Shock Absorber to the Soul'" – This slogan puts a positive spin on denial. It suggests that denial is very necessary for our spiritual survival; that were it not in place, we would…could…die or be emotionally damaged. Some examples are traumatic events such as deaths and injuries, catastrophes, relationship failures and the like.

But, what about “non-soul-threatening” denial...you know, the garden variety stuff? For example: “Wow!” Who but Bill, Steve, Marketing and perhaps Legal sees even a modicum of “Wow” in Vista? Office Live? Zune? As each day passes the answer to that is “fewer and fewer people from all walks of life.” And, you can’t deny that. Just read the Blogs.

I submit to you that there is layer upon layer of “non-soul-threatening” denial built up at Microsoft in every department, division, policy and mission statement and, until it is totally or mostly abolished, it will forever drag this company into the dark smugness of arrogance, grandiosity, hubris, entropy and atrophy. And, to deny this problem is denial at its best (worst?)

"Wherever You Go…There You Are" – Also known as “The Geographic Cure” this behavior is rooted in the need to ignore problems by changing the scenery. Works great for vacations in a tactical sense but can be harmful in the long term, strategic sense. For example: Vista sales are terrible and you begin talking, corporately and to the public…about the next great Microsoft OS…Windows 7. What’s up with that?

Or, you start talking up Windows Mobile initiatives to the press and to the pundits in a big way while your “bread and butter cash cow” – Vista – wallows in anonymity!

When world traveler philanthropist Bill Gates visits Africa he is still the same vicious businessman who stages WTF meetings with competing project managers, inside his office, the winner being the one who had the fewest WTF’s screamed at him. Bill, the same guy who won’t let his kids have a dog (Daily Show, John Stewart). Hell, they could have a kennel if they were my kids! This all tells me Bill is a philanthropist in MONEY only.

This leads me to the next bumper sticker:

"Saints Don’t Marry Sinners" – This is a more poignant restatement of “…Birds of a Feather…” Next time you see a couple where one person is a miserable prick (prickette?) and the other is a perfect little angel, don’t buy into it. They both have “their sack of rocks to carry.” Probably some variation of enabling on the part of the little angel and the need to maintain the imperfect façade of the relationship. And the miserable prick continues on his/her merry way…”Up on Cripple Creek.”

Translate this to Microsoft? Known monopolists don’t/can’t convincingly kiss babies and shake hands with customers, vendors, partners and stockholders. Known intellectual property thieves can’t make us feel all warm and fuzzy about their philanthropy.

Most alarmingly, if you work with people in departments, divisions and companies doing harmful things to others, you are not a saint. You are, on some level, perpetuating the evil behavior of others in your company; by your silence, by your acceptance, by your successful work contributing to the perpetuation of their evil behaviors. If your value system disdains this behavior you will, on some level, inhibit the successful flow of ideas, products and services to and from the marketplace.

"Companies are Not Evil…People Are" - A company cannot destroy you. It takes a person or people, embracing the written or unwritten mission, policies and procedures of said company to carry out evil acts – “deliberately causing great harm, pain, or upset.” Therefore, Microsoft, by definition, cannot be “The Evil Empire”. So, don’t kid yourself, someone(s) at Microsoft is evil. I am sure if you dig a little bit, you’ll find plenty of examples.

"If it Looks and Walks Like a Duck…It’s a Duck!" – Believe your eyes, your ears, your gut…especially now that you have decided to embrace the slogans on the bumper stickers above…that you ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR DENIAL, that WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE, that SAINTS DON’T MARRY SINNERS, that COMPANIES ARE NOT EVIL…PEOPLE ARE.

Next, you must believe your heart when it says to you that any actions undertaken by people in your company to “deliberately cause great harm, pain, or upset” are truly evil acts and that by DOING NOTHING TO STOP THIS EVIL (UNLESS TO DO SO WOULD BRING HARM TO YOU OR ANOTHER PERSON), you are contributing to its perpetuation.

Quack! Quack!

Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!

2007-02-17T13:18:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - The Quintessential Microsoft "State of the Company" Blog Comment

Michael Gartenberg's first Blog as a Microsoftie starts off with mucho kudos from a few and prophetically...ends like this.

BLOGADDENDUM: I Googled Jon Halbig and found him to be Kawasaki's partner at Garage.com. Good writer, IMHO.

Mini-Microsoft: Stop Him Before He Speaks Again!
Mini-Microsoft: Where's Ray? Where's the Vista Campaign?

2007-02-15T10:43:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – More Ray Ozzie, Office Live and...Hope

Mini-Microsoft posters…do you hear what you are saying?

Ray has stepped back to reassess his commitment to put some sanity into the Live strategy.

To wit: Office Live is a disaster. Usability sucks, support sucks, and there is a lot of infighting between them and the rest of the Live services. Also, it is beset with many of the same problems as previous projects like NetDocs and Hailstorm: not enough focus on what the customer wants and too much focus on fancy code. Coincidentally, many of the same leaders from those projects are now leading the Office Live project.

The product is a good one. I know, I’ve used it and developed databases using it. It’s not fancy code it’s just ideas to organize and promote small businesses under one roof. Office Accounting 2007 is terrific and...free! What could be simpler?

This all has to stop. You're killing your company. This product must be evangelized. Where is the leadership? Take the few people responsible for support, usability, marketing, CRM and R & D and sit them down in one room. Agenda: Mission and Policy. Two hours, no more. No polictics. Moderated by a strong leader. Edict: you WILL PERFORM THIS MISSION AND ITS POLICIES…IMMEDIATELY or…you will be OFF THE PROJECT! PERIOD! Your behavior will be monitored and subject to modification training sessions…no matter who you are.

Examples: There will be instantaneous fulfilling of customer needs…within a day…period. You will have at least one (1) maven responsible for the user experience of the the entire Office Live. His/her word will be God re: changes and updates. Each subsystem will be put in place when and only when it is operational for the customer. Transitions to and from Accounting 2007 will be smooth and transparent. It will be simple to copy an existing web site to the new, Microsoft-hosted web site. There will be no forums until customers can be deemed reasonably happy. Forums will be monitored for inappropriate and negative remarks.

Windows Live is just the MSN pig with some lipstick. Teams are writing code with no real coordination or focus, and no idea how their projects are going to make money. Blake Irving is the perinneal absentee VP, and has no control over his world. Berkowitz has already about had it with the disarray, and will likely be leaving real soon now.

Projects and goals will be simplified and prioritized. Flow charts will be presented to all so they can see the “big picture” and their part in it. Daily updates will be MS Projected to each team. Everyone…support, usability, marketing, CRM and R & D and top management must know exactly where we are and where we’re going…daily.

Live" is .Net all over again. No one knows what the hell it means, even those who are supposed to be leading the effort. Ray wasn't around during the .Net days, so he is getting a dose of what it is like and he doesn't like the taste.

Since no one knows what Live is…rename it. Here’s an idea: Internet = Cloud. Desktop = Desk. LAN = Server. MS Cloud. MS Desk. MS Server. I am sure there are other ways to do this but Cloud tells you it’s Internet based; Desk tells you it’s not. Now, isn’t’ that simpler? Search? Desk Search, Cloud Search, Server Search. Why not? I did this in 1 minute. You think of some.

You people are so confused, from the top down that you literally don’t know what to do next. Now, even Ray Ozzie is in the headlights. This has got to stop.

You want me to help you do this? I can be on a plane in one day. Email me at Microstiff@aol.com. Jeeze! Let’s get started. Carte Blanche.

Mini-Microsoft: Where's Ray? Where's the Vista Campaign?

2007-02-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Late Sunday Night Pissed Off Response to a Typical Mini Commenter

Typical Mini Commenter said:

I have to agree with many comments above, Vista's adoption rate does not matter on the desktop. Mac and Linux are not real competitors there. Upgrades are not common outside of system upgrade cycles. Computers will sell if they have Vista on them, they'd sell if they still had XP on them. Either way, we make our profit.

Then why bother? Why spend $6 billion to develop Vista and $500 million to promote it? Why put hopeful employees and anxious customers through five (5) years of shit just to give them…well….shit? Why take five years to tell us all that “something good’s comin’ round the corner” only to give us…something bad?”

Who in their right mind conducts business, pleasure, family, church, community like that? No one, I submit, except people totally out of touch with the here and now. And, it looks like you're all congregated at Microsoft. Jeezus! Good News! You’ve drained all the other companies of “the walking unaware”!

Only we can break our dominance of the desktop and we could only do it through a total meltdown. In spite of the fear, we aren't anywhere close to that point.

Who says you “aren’t anywhere close to that point”? I say you are. Go ahead. Refute that with some facts. You can’t. Your guess is as good as mine. In fact, based upon your corporate behavior and thousands of pundits scratching their heads, I say, anecdotally, I am “more right” than you.

As management has seen, something else will have replaced the desktop as the key platform long before we lose our grip there.

You’ve given up, haven’t you? You’ve admitted you’re going to lose your grip. So, it’s not IF it’s WHEN. Right? So, WHEN will Google surpass you? Hear those footsteps?

The key is to use our dominance to establish positions in these new markets so that whichever one expands, we're ready to jump on it. This is the Xbox, Windows Mobile, Zune, etc strategy. Yes, in spite of the horror at the losses, this is a great strategy. A few billion (or even tens of billions) _invested_ in order to be ready for whichever way the market moves is a much better use of those profits than buybacks or other short-term efforts to move stock prices.

Oh, you mean like the $6.5 million you've invested into the dog formerly known as XP? Yeah, you're right on the cusp with that one!
Truth is, you have been a two trick pony for years with DOS/Windows and Office. Now, as a monopoly in every part of the world except USA, your only real claim to fame is Office. Right place, right time, right money.

There are no more of those opportunities left. You're done. Google and your own arrogance will tear you asunder. Tick, tock.

We could have left XP unchanged and still dominated the desktop market for the next 5-10 years.

At a rapidly declining rate; 850 million now; how many in 10 years. The world is on to you, MSFT.

The fact that we're still focused on innovation is more about preparing for the next market, whatever it turns out to be, than worrying about this one.

Oh, you mean the market you just totally obliterated with your arrogant backward offerings of Vista and Office? Innovation? Innovation! How much of your R & D billions have you put towards Vista innovation. Office? Must be ZERO, zip, nada, zilch because there's ZERO, zip, nada, zilch innovation in those products. Call the ribbon innovation and you'll prove your stupidity.

All the complaints about how minor the changes in Vista are ignore the fact that this is a mature market. This is how things are going to be. It's why management's focus on new areas makes so much sense.

And, which new areas might those be? Live. Ha! Zune? Ha! ha! It's time to turn you over. You're done.

Mini-Microsoft: Where's Ray? Where's the Vista Campaign?

2007-02-10T12:14:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Where’s Ray Ozzie and…Why It Doesn’t Matter?

Mini of Mini-Microsoft fame just posed the question which has been on my mind of late and, perhaps yours too: “Where’s Ray Ozzie?” Where is this creator of Lotus Notes, the greatest collaboration tool ever developed for emailers and information processors and database creators alike? And, why does it matter where he is?

Is it possible that Ray has had his 15 minutes? Ray brought the business world databases hooked up to email and, in doing so, made it easy for us to collaborate and…launch events through simple email “agents.” His database synchronization schemes are the best on the planet and keep the team in London constantly aware of the latest and greatest in Boston and visa-versa.

His sheer genius is that he CREATED those two concepts and remains the master of them. His only Blog to Microsofties deals with another “simple” advancement: the ability to trade information (cut and paste) between live XHTML pages; again, novelty and creativity within the computer application development cycle. Anecdotally, his glee over this simple concept, within his one and only Blog to date suggests Ray’s hot button is “simple invention to enhance the lives of the masses.”

And so, why would a guy who gets up every morning to do just that, choose to energize a company which has no intention of getting up every morning to do just that? Did he strike a “get out of Dodge deal” with Bill? In other words, “Here’s the way it has to work, Bill; you’re impeding it and you gotta stop." Unlikely. Besides, Vista and Office are simple proof that there is no intention to enhance the lives of the masses. The spate of recent articles examining Vista indicates that the product makes most people’s lives MORE miserable on every front except eye candy and…recent reports from users say the candy even gets old. The Office ribbon…which promises to make you “fluent” literally shoves it down your throat with no way out. Are these the products of a company that wants “simple invention to enhance the lives of the masses”? In a word…no.

And so, Ray and Bill are oil and water, fire and rain having nothing in common but mutually misguided awe for each other. Is Ray just another trophy in the lobby at Redmond? Another flame extinguished; another CEO sent high tailing it back to Fargo?

Microsoft behavior, coming right from the top, is like that of the alcoholic that has finally let his addiction affect his job. First it was the family, with the late nights, the yelling, the abuse (employees). Then came inattention to and abuse of friends (vendors, customers, partners) and finally, the job: Late for work (late to market); poor performance (poor products); inappropriate behavior (lawsuits against small guys, cutthroat business practices, wild spending on meaningless advertising campaigns).

Addiction counselors know that when the addiction begins to affect the job, it is most likely over. Is it over for Microsoft? In a word…yes. The addiction has reached the products…the bread and butter of the company.

And so, Ray Ozzie in this little drama, plays the part that many of us play: The well-intentioned friend; powerless over Microsoft’s corporate behavior and unwittingly enabling it to continue by silently acquiescing to that which is inappropriate. Witnessing the entropy and the atrophy and hoping against hope that “this too shall pass.”

But it never does pass. What happens is that it gets put off; put off with money and circumstance or even the grandiose hope of a “killer app” just around the corner. Such is the addiction model and many of its caveats.

And so, we come full circle with this paradigm, this original premise: That it doesn’t matter where Ray Ozzie is right now. Why? Because he’s just one man who either doesn’t understand the dynamics of this huge problem known as Microsoft or doesn’t have the wherewithal to change that which he DOES understand.

Ray is one link in an unconnected chain. Piece him together with other fine links and with the “clasp” of Mission, Policy and Procedure and…you’ve got a chance. However, until the real problems are addressed and solved with a holistic approach dealing with changing or eliminating faulty thinking at all levels, there is no chance.

Mini-Microsoft: Where's Ray? Where's the Vista Campaign?

2007-02-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

Microstiff: Opie & Anthony's Anthony does Vista

Q. What Spin will Microsoft put on this video's Vista conclusions?

A. Choose one:

1. Hire the Russian teacher-Windows-pirate.
2. Buy Jim Allchin a Mac.
3. Make the Vista CD's out of non-shredable titanium.
4. Pay the WSJ to name them "Most Beloved Company in the Universe"
5. You come up with some. Really.

Mini-Microsoft: Closure.

2007-01-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – The Hangover After the Vista Party: Great Reads from Around the Globe

NOTE: This Blog will be updated hour by hour so…keep coming back!

These links speak for themselves (most recent first):

The "Oww" Starts Now!
IT weighs in and then...checks out!
Of these two parties, which is most likely to lie?
Very, very ugly!
It's the price, STOOPIT!
More very ugly Vista news! And... this just in...customers dumbfounded?
Remember when "express" meant fast?
Looks like Office Live is...well...dead!
This is frightening!
And this...is too!
And...holy shit!
Hey, buddy, can you spare 3Gb?
The Emperor, his clothes and the Incredible Reception!
Finally...a scapegoat!
A semi-heavyweight weighs in (John Halbig of Garage.com).
More Piling On!
Top New Slogans for Microsoft Vista.
Vista 'Family Discount' Bites!........................... Back
"...there's no transformational, gotta-have-it feature in Vista"
Turn those speakers down or get your drive wiped!
Listen to the DRM beats.
Finally! No more "Blue Screen of Death".
Dvorak: Windows Vista Solves Nothing
YIKES! Misleading packaging (YouTube)!
Upgrade Hell!
How to make Bill Gates jump out of his chair.
Who says Vista's expensive? Here's a dead giveaway!
The anti anti-virus.
The best words ever written to date re: Vista.
Eye-opening comments from our staid British friends.
The Big Whisper theory of Vista Genesis.
Vista Security Buying Proposition Debunked.
We'll Pay You to Buy Vista...Please!
Vista Buyers - both of you - hang on to that XP!
Ouch! PC-Mag rates Vista.
The Wizards of Wow!
The silence is deafening!
Shhhhhhhh! More silence.
Dell/Vista customers veeerrrryy unhappy.
CNN Poll is a Stunner!
The case for the $500 million lipstickpig Vista promotion black hole. Are you listening, stockholders?
Did you see those ads? They were awful!
Whew! Spread the blame on a caste of thousands (well...330 maybe)!
...and not ONE good reason to buy!

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q2 Results

2007-01-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Bill, Me, the Board of Directors and Step One of the Twelve Step Plan for Salvation

NOTE: This Blog will be meaningless unless you read the one previous to it.

Bill barked again and there came a barely perceptible collective, knee jerk wince from the table participants. I stopped running my fingers along the letters M-I-C-R-O-S-O-F-T elegantly etched upon the glass surface below my hands…and looked up at my new, best boss. A faint trail of smoke (or was it steam) trailed from each nostril of his Waspish nose. I swear to you, I thought his eyes were a glowing, flashing red. Maybe not. Anyway, back to reality…or perhaps…the Microsoft version of it.

“Remember, Mike, you’re here to do good”, I thought. I touched my newly starched white business shirt just below the second button and just underneath my vivid power tie. The faint impression of a clove of garlic hanging from its chain link around my neck felt comforting under my index finger. I felt my pulse begin to return to normal…mostly.

“I’ve reviewed Mike Microstiff’s 12-Step, 18 month plan and…I like it. You will too,” said Bill. A slow, slight nodding around the table ensued, some through eyes glazed with what seemed like that well-known “1000 yard stare”. I looked just above the closest nodding 1000 yarder, hoping not to find piano wire attached to pulleys or something somewhere in the ceiling. Nope. All I saw were cameras. One in each corner of the room tucked up and away. “Mike, could you please take a few minutes, as a courtesy to the Board, to review these 12 steps?”

“Sure, Bill”, I gulped…hopefully out of earshot of the rest. Whether my Adam’s apple betrayed me with a vertical lunge of any noticeable distance, was another story. Then came those butterflies, hopefully all flying in formation (a phrase I beat to death teaching the Dale Carnegie Course). I had already said a little prayer of hope, remembering my belief that most things done with good intent, unless blissfully misguided, have no true detractors. It helped.

“As you all may know from my bio, my background is eclectic. In summary, I have spent most of my waking hours in the pursuit of corporate excellence, particularly from the humanistic point of view. By this I mean that the path that I took was one of teaching: motivational, psycho-therapeutic, financial and more; and, one embracing the performing arts of comedy and song. Somehow, all of this plus a few short sentences Bill read in a Blog have brought me and Bill and thus, you and me…together in this boardroom. Now is the time for us to embark on an 18 month journey of awareness, positive change and growth for your company. Shall we begin?”

Bill politely but emphatically applauded. Nanoseconds later, so did the Borg…er, the Board.

“My goal is to get you and our employees to see our prospects, customers, employees, partners, stockholders and vendors as valuable partners in our corporate success and to help you see that, as a company, our current corporate behavior is quite self-defeating. Upon reaching that level of awareness, you will then be rewarded with some proven and effective ways to change this self-defeating behavior. Finally, we will practice and institute those ways until they become second nature. It’s really just as short and sweet as that. No more, no less.”

“In fact, since nature abhors a vacuum, we all have a unique opportunity to replace these so called self-defeating behaviors with these new corporate people-oriented behaviors without missing a beat; no hissing of air rushing it to fill the void; nothing but well-timed solutions to the problems at hand! Doesn’t that sound great!

I looked around the table. Again, slight nods, 1000 yard stares and this time, an uneasy squirming in their red leathered armless chairs (Bill, once again, telling us what’s good for us, this time, ergonomically). I, too, perceiving body-languaged resistance, squirmed along with the others, attempting to lean my left elbow on a non-existent chair arm, only to feel the hand of a Board member catch me in mid-clutz. I thanked him and briefly mused how symbolic these classy yet armless leather chairs were of Microsoft’s corporate militant ignorance: Build a potentially great product with seriously missing “buying proposition” features. Why? Because they can.

No impediments, no consequences. It’s my job to make them aware of the consequences, the results of those self-defeating behaviors; to show them that “because I say so” is not a good answer to the marketplace…that it is truly better to lose money through the “pure creativity of innovation that misses the mark” than it is to lose it though poor adoption of uninspiring and copied products.

However, this was neither the time nor the place for an “intervention”. These Microsofties before me, particularly one’s whose rise to power and wealth was likely one of privilege, new money and perhaps Ivy League connections, would respond much better to being known as the Board which was “on watch” when the revolution came, than to my own psycho-therapeutic thesis purporting them and many partner-esque souls like them to be addicted to the power of Microsoft; that they were in no place to see excellence as a goal when blinded by the darkness of power; the power of monopoly, of numbers, both monetary and human. No, that thesis would fall on deaf ears in this room and, I am afraid, throughout this organization at the highest levels. What was needed was a way to insure excellence in spite of those who want it crushed. Oh, they can work on, but the revolution from within will begin to uncover their weaknesses and inabilities to excel. Eventually, with no place to hide, they will leave. This will happen.

“Now, I know the thesis of having to change one’s behavior being presented by this guy you never met before standing in front of you today…probably isn’t what you want to hear but…hear me out. My product is your corporate health, prosperity and well being. The price you must be willing to pay for this product is…a behavior change. However, I submit to you that there are two (2) very real additional advantages to this behavior change which will ease your load:

It is you and your employees behavior WITHIN the corporation that must change; not your personal behavior. So, the task isn’t as formidable as it sounds.
Should your change in corporate behavior lead to a willingness to change at home, your life will become even more enriched! A bonus, if you choose it!”

The nodding continued but the stares seemed less distant and the fidgeting…gone. Had I struck a nerve ? Were they getting it? Some of it?

“And now, on to the first step. The 1^st Step to Microsoft corporate wellness is:

Admit that Microsoft has significant problems. Admit, as an individual, that you are powerless over these problems and that your business life, your job, when related to these significant problems, has become unmanageable.

“But you are already happy at your job, you say? Well, let’s say you’re a programmer. You’re cranking out code, getting it done. What is the code being used for? Will it be used at all? Is someone else writing the same code? Is time being squandered? Is the product it’s to be used in a good one? Does it solve a problem? Is the mission a good one? Are standards and goals in place? Is your boss fair? These are all elements of an environment where good code might be written...but to no avail. There is dysfunction. Your job, believe it or not, is unmanageable.” And you are powerless, as one individual, to prevent it. Admitting to this is healthy. What we resist persists. Once you accept that you are powerless over it, you can begin to do your part to help it change; slowly and with others help, but…change it will. That’s why I am here.”

“It will be my job, with your help, Bill’s help and the help of many Microsoft employees, to define more and more of these problems throughout the organization, prioritize them and seek solutions to them. A vast majority of them are policy issues. These will all be examined under an umbrella of trust and openness and prior policy successes that I will create as your Policy Wonk and Innovation Guru.”

We went on to discuss, Bill, Me and the Board, the remaining 11 Steps. I charged them with the responsibility to review each of the steps and warned them that they were the only ones, at this time, besides Bill and me, to receive them. The steps were not to be given to others until the appropriate moment of my choosing. They agreed. The meeting was adjourned and Board members filed out of the room, a few talking animatedly.

Although I had expected nothing from them except their ears, it was enjoyable to observe what could hardly be construed as anything but enthusiasm in their voices and their body language. Normally, I would have employed Socratic Method and Q. & A. to see what they thought of it all but, this wasn’t the goal of the meeting. The goal was to keep them in the loop. Job accomplished, I thought.

Bill and I were the last to leave the boardroom and, as I followed him out, I posed a question to him, not really expecting an answer. “Bill, what do you suppose is the exact geographic center of the Redmond Campus?” He thought for a few seconds and said something which I didn’t quite hear nor understand, but, I thanked him anyway, since I’d figure out the answer soon enough myself by making the rounds.

Working from a location on campus that was “equal distance” for all to visit would be a symbolic gesture and my first decision of many in hopes of building openness and trust with all Microsofties. We wanted them to know our doors were open to their ideas and that they would have a strong hand in shaping policy and innovation at Microsoft.

There was plenty of daylight remaining so, I told Bill I’d be walking the campus and that I’d talk to him soon. He paused, looked me straight in the eye, said, “Uh…”, paused for a long, long 10 seconds or so and then said, “OK, see you”. And that was that.

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: The Good Manager, etc, etc, ...
Mini-Microsoft: Thinking About the Microsoft 2007 Mid Year Career Discussion
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q2 Results

2007-01-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – My First Day as Microsoft’s Policy Wonk & Innovation Guru

Bill and I had finalized things just the week before. I was to become the new Policy Wonk and Innovation Guru at his beloved creation...Microsoft. In the fourth and final meeting and my first day at work, we were convening with the board, in the boardroom. Conversations were cordial and the talk was small as we awaited Bill’s entrance. I had been introduced to these esteemed board members barely minutes before Bill entered the room, tablet PC in hand, Zune tucked haphazardly in his shirt pocket protector.

As everyone sat back down, Bill wasted no time beginning. “Who the fuck forgot the water? I distinctly asked for bottled water!” We all looked at each other knowing it wasn’t any of us but, fearing, for a brief moment, that it surely was one of us. With a flick of his right forefinger, Bill began stroking the screen of his laptop. Within seconds, the clunk of…presumably…a Perrier hitting the plastic exit hole of a beverage dispenser stationed just outside the boardroom door…could be heard. In popped a secretarial type, wireless headphones in place, blinking and whining PDA in hand and, of course, the Perrier in the other. Bill snatched it from her hands and then he began…again.

“As you all know from my emails, Mike Microstiff here has hit what could be called the Bloggers mother load; he got me to read the one single Blog that changed my life and will soon change the lives of Microsofties and worldwide customers alike. I am here to say that Mike put together the exact words that others have tried to create for years and years, to no avail. He found my hot button in a few short sentences. I applaud him for that and you should too.”

A vigorous round of applause filled the air as I bowed my head in humility, a half smile on my face. The lights suddenly went off. Bill said, “Clap again to get them back on” and, sure enough, both the board members and then, the lights, obeyed. “Ah, another partner, another project, another feature”, I thought to myself.

It was during our 3^rd meeting that Bill had finally grasped and let go of, you might say, the one principle which was to be religiously adhered to for this company to be saved from its slow bankrupt spiritual spiral into oblivion: Full Autonomy for Mike Microstiff for 18 months. No if’s, no and’s, no but’s. I report to no one; no one reports to me. All changes summarized and reviewed quarterly, in person, with the board to simply “check in” to see what’s happening. Guiding this single principle would be a simple, two page 18 month plan, sitting before each board member and Bill. There to review but not critique. Full autonomy. Carte Blanche.

On the notion that less damage could be done by a well intentioned hero in 18 months than all of the forces creating the problem have done in almost three decades…we had shaken hands and gone ahead. Brad had popped in the room, pin striped and silk tied with a 36 page contract. Bill had waived him off saying, “not this time, Brad. Not this time.” We both nodded and Brad looked down at his black tasseled loafers, shuffled a few times and then pulled out 3 pages from the tome and still Bill nodded “no”. Six more pages, then 10 and finally down to 5 pages and a final nod “no” and Brad left.

Back in the boardroom, we began to review the twelve steps on the two page, 18 month plan…

Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind by Email

Mini-Microsoft: The Good Manager, etc, etc, ...
Mini-Microsoft: Thinking About the Microsoft 2007 Mid Year Career Discussion

2007-01-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Thoughts on Good Managers and Visionaries as well as CEO's, Sales People, Testers, Developers, Programmers and Pounders

As Mini contributors, we all search for truth and solutions to the “Microsoft Problem”. This is not so much out of ego as it is the realization of our own true powerlessness and the desire to “make a difference” in the face of this huge, stumbling corporation with no moral or product compass... known as Microsoft.

Why do we care? Because we all love “all things computing” and the world, both fantasy and real...that it creates. We are hooked and...we want to make a difference; a difference in the computing devices themselves or...a difference in the way they are used.

To that end, I address the main topic with care and deliberateness as I attempt, once again, to help you...and me...to make sense of...Microsoft.

Good Managers – Good managers “get things done”; they accomplish the mission. They carry out corporate and departmental policy and procedure. “Really good” managers also motivate people. They get “people” done. They care. Morale is high in their department and people do their jobs knowing they can grow and be treated fairly and be listened to. Absenteeism is low. A team spirit pervades.

However, simply being a good manager is NOT ENOUGH. There must be a systemic proliferation of the attributes of good MANAGEMENT throughout the organization. Good management is the establishment of and striving for attainable goals, fair and appropriate policies and effective and efficient procedures. Additionally, it is the “care and feeding” of those goals, policies and procedures that is essential for continued good management.

Are there good managers at Microsoft? Yes. Does Microsoft have good management? Empirically and anecdotally...a resounding NO! How else the current problems?

Admit there is a problem “at all levels”	The first step in any and all problem solving scenarios
What Needs to Change
See Management as a “Science”; one that can be learned and improved upon	A body of principles
Create Microsoft Management Training and follow-up feedback loops	Require all candidates to take the initial “primary” course before becoming managers
Create a Panel for Corporate Policy	Seed it with members from all corporate disciplines with Carte Blanche ideas and no penalty for presenting them
Rewrite Corporate Policy	Examples: Rules of Corporate Behavior Meetings will be “on time” or you will be “locked out”; Late three (3) times, you'll be written up...period! Customer is # 1 and will be the first consideration in ALL discussions. Published agenda for all meetings; Off Topic will NOT be discussed, minimizing politics.
Rewrite Corporate Procedures	Eliminating waste and areas where politics can spawn
Rewrite Departmental Policy	In line with corporate policies
Rewrite Departmental Procedures	In line with corporate policies and procedures
Enforce Corporate and Departmental Policies and Procedures	Rigorously and with significant consequences in place for failure to abide
Revisit Management, Mission, Policy and Procedures...continually	Continually!

Visionaries – Ones who dream of solutions to unknown problems. Ones whose minds are unfettered and unconcerned with details inherent in managing people and things. Visionaries are not good managers because it doesn't interest them. Visionaries make our world interesting but not organized, unless of course, their invention and innovation happens to...organize things.

Are there any visionaries at Microsoft? Anecdotally and empirically...NO! Ray Ozzie is too code-centric to qualify...for now. His innovation attempts to organize things and people but...there is no hook! R ay has failed to excite the customer as well as the marketing department. And, he has failed to...talk it up!

CEO's – CEO's have their finger on the pulse of the corporation. It is they who are the most responsible for profits. Under their watch, corporate policy and procedure is imagined, written and enforced; it trickles -- cascades – downward through the corporation. It is they who carefully, delicately and religiously insure that the corporation grows and prospers and maintains its balance. Policy and procedures are the road map for that balance.

Under this definition, does the Microsoft CEO perform his job well. Anecdotally and empirically...NO!

Sales People – Visionaries who can convince and LOVE to get paid for it! Take ideas from other visionaries and run with them. Simplify them for the customers. Always thinking of the customers unless...they are ego centric to the point that they only think of themselves. If, after you introduce them to the new policies and procedures, they continue to lie, fabricate and think of themselves...fire their asses!

Are there good sales people at Microsoft? You bet. They have average products to sell in great numbers. They are not happy with the product but...there's too much money to be made because of the numbers. They love the money! Give them something better to sell and they will love you even more. But, don't try to convince them that their current products are the best in the world. You cannot bullshit a bullshitter.

Is there a problem with the Sales Department at Microsoft? Probably not, if left to selling only. It is highly likely, though, that an attitude adjustment is in order through the new corporate policies and procedures. One can be weaned off of arrogance, hubris and grandiosity. I know. I've done it. With help.

Developers, Programmers, Testers – The manufacturing aspect of Microsoft; the creators of clever and quality gears and inner workings of lackluster products. Once proud and motivated and paid well from stock holdings, these talented folks are stuck in an organization without purpose; designing, creating and proving mismanaged products with no vision. T hese folks, as long as they stay on board, are the TRUE VICTIMS at Microsoft. Outside of Microsoft, the true victims, of course, are the CUSTOMERS.

Pounders – Pounders are partners or founders of the company. It is not clear what pounders do except they represent a cash drain on the corporation of over $1 billion per year...every year. They should probably leave. Will they? Not without being thrown out. Would you?

Mini-Microsoft: The Good Manager, etc, etc, ...

2007-01-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Office Live: Take it From Someone Who's Installed and Modified It!

Early detractors of Office Live know not of what they speak! Microsofties and small businesses at large don’t seem to have a clue to the possibilities ALREADY inherent in this “umbrella of online programs” all accessible from a single location and all seemingly designed for the small American business to sell more and keep track of things… all for a very modest price!

Whose fault is it that no one yet knows? You guessed it: Microsoft. But, the trouble lies not so much in the quality and capability of this set of small business solutions, made available without one penny of SMB software investment but, in the enthusiastic promotion of these solutions.

Now, I am not one who usually congratulates Microsoft for anything, lately. This is because with Vista and Office 12, they have lost their compass. However, Office Live is different, dear hearts. Office Live is different.

I know this because I am in the process of completing the installation of a robust Office Live application, complete with modified databases, for a local computerized cash register company. Let me tell you, piece by piece, what Office Live means or will mean to them:

Domain Registration: Easy and straightforward. Registered it one day and it was usable the next. Readers have said that deleting a domain they don’t actually want is...a bear. I chalk that up to the typical “exceptions programming” within any new product. The mainstream activities ALWAYS get the most developmental attention.

Website Creation: Simple and straightforward. Pictures, fonts, links were all intuitive to use. Basic templates are very professional. Maps, data collection, slide show and weather are just a few of the “modules” that can be embedded into a page. And, they can now shut down their laboriously-slow in house website, free up its server and never pay a webmaster another dime!

Email for their Employees: Twenty-five (25) for free. Yourname@yourwebsiteaddress. Uses Hotmail which is ok but takes a loooooonnnnngg time to load. Microsoft should do something about this. Cash register support and management can now talk to each other where they couldn’t before, at least using a unified website address. They love this and now know if the CEO sends them an email, they better be reading it. Great tool!

Note: Success of group email in small companies is dependent on insisting that the CEO embrace - and enforce - employee communication using email as a necessary tool. Follow up is often required by the consultant to insure its use.

Contacts: Customers are in process for being entered into the contacts database. These customers as well as vendors, employees and partners can be accessed by other Office Live included modules (Project Management, Customer Support, shared Calendars).

Customer Support: Present customers require ongoing support for their computerized cash registers both in a restaurant and school environment. The current solution is online but outmoded. Microsoft’s solution allows for modifications, which were made for this client, so that the new customer support database is more comprehensive and sort/selectable on a myriad of screen reports, all online.

Project Management: Projects are being established in Gantt and other formats for the scrutiny of new customers (typically school districts) and ongoing modifications to and review of project register installation timelines are simple and graphic.

Sales: Products and proposals can be entered into their own databases to create proposals and quotes. Corporate documents, proposal formats, basic documents, etc. will soon be attached so all employees and SOME customers can access for usage, by password. This project is not yet started but…will be, soon. Squeaky wheel.

Calendaring – What used to be a hodge podge of phone tag and yellow sticky notes regarding the whereabouts of any manager and/or support person is morphing into a great shared calendar capability using the premium calendar services. Additionally, resources such as register demo machine(s), LCD projectors and customer training rooms are easily reserved.

So, there you have it. This is all in process and represents a considerable upgrade to this company’s way of doing business with very little training and expense! This company gets this all for $40 a month! As volume increases, so will the Mb charges but, they are very reasonable.

So, don’t tell me that Microsoft doesn’t know what they are doing when it comes to Office Live. Now, Ray Ozzie, find a way to tell the rest of the world! And…keep making it better.

P.S. Don’t forget, my client didn’t even use the FREE Microsoft Accounting Express 2007 which can or will be accessed by the Office Live modules mentioned above! More Office Live bang for the buck!

DISCLAIMER: I do not work for the Evil Empire and while I find their corporate behavior generally abhorrent, I believe their solution to help small businesses throughout the United States with this umbrella of online, single point solutions...is a great step toward proving they care about more than partners and stock prices.

Mini-Microsoft: The Good Manager, etc, etc, ...

2007-01-04T10:46:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Becalmed Whilst the Storm Rages About Us?

Strange title wouldn’t you say, mate? Let’s see if I can shed some light on it and my own particular mixed bag of gifts – Christmas-New Years-Microsoft gifts.

Yes, it’s the New Year, indeed, and I am so filled with EVERYTHING to say that I have nothing to say. I stare straight ahead at the 19” Gateway, snot running down my face; soon, my right eye starts to twitch. It now gives way to my right upper lip. Twitch. Twitch. “Hmmmm…right side, only?”, I think to myself. “Has a left brain overload manifested itself?”

The lip twitch continues as I catch a glimpse of myself in the monitor. Elvis? Is that you? “Yeah, baby. I’m caught in a trap…I can’t walk out…” My perfect imitation of the Big “E” is probably more perfect in the shower, I muse.

Suddenly, it comes to me. Why not write about this curious period of suspended belief that seems to be out there, now, as we speak. You know, the one where ALL is CALM, ALL is BRIGHT! Can you feel it? Can you smell it? Can you see it? It’s all being so magnificently cooked, sliced, diced and presented to us, served up on silver platters by tuxedoed waiters at New York’s Cipriani Restaurant.

What the hey, when you spend the most money ever on re-lipsticking your cash pigs, er…cows, Windows and Office, something’s gotta give, right? And thus, this curious period of suspended belief.

Clue #1 - Writer’s write softer about the behemoth. Why? Can you say Acer? I knew you could. But, they began to write softer a few weeks before the Acer Giveaway. It’s more than that, folks. It’s more than that. Draw your own conclusions. $35 billion’s a lot of money to spread around. It’s what makes grown men and women wanna slip the tongue to Revlon-ed porkers.

Clue #2 – The Behemoth discovered a new word: “WOW”! This is the newest Microsoft feature, soon to be patented by the now-elevated-to-God-status Microsoft Legal Department – “Wow”. Repeat after me: Wuh – ahh – ooh…Wow. Wow!

Microsoft intends to use “Wow” to benchmark the January 30^th release of Vista and Office 12. As in “Wow, look at that new Aero see-through window! Isn’t that…hey…where’d it go? It’s opaque, now!” Ok, there it is…back again. Which one is the open window? I can’t tell…they’re all Aero-ish…kinda!” Wow!

Clue #3 – Fairy tales and comic books to describe the enchantment of …the Ribbon. Wow! We love you Jensen and Julie but, this time, you didn’t listen hard enough. However, all is not lost. You’ve finally made your “bones”. You’ve gone to the other side. You are now “made” members of “La Wow-a Nostra” (Our Little Wow).

Other clues abound. Can you see some? Do you care? I feel myself gradually moving from offering up ideas to build a better Microsoft to the “hopeless” side of the meter. Are we all prepared to stand by while this once great company falls into ruin? Will their arrogance and insularity cause us to applaud the day?

Who knows. Ah, the twitch has abated. My creative, intuitive right brain has won again. Living to write another day during this curious time of suspended belief.

What say you?

Addition on 12/6/2007: Ding-Dong Death Knell?

Mini-Microsoft: Time Travel Around the Windstorm

2006-12-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – “I’d Buy Office 12 If Only You’d…”

Here’s my 2nd wish list. You know…the one that would make me want to purchase Office 12. Once again, you Microsofties have given me NO GOOD REASON TO BUY. Here’s what you have to do to make it worth my while:

Give me back my "File" tab - I don't want to have to learn it any other way...especially when every non-Microsoft application on earth HAS IT THE OLD (AND BETTER) WAY. And...you DIDN'T ASK ME IF I WANTED IT THIS WAY! If you had, you'd have kept it the old way. Feature Shock, I tell you!

I am a power user. Do you honestly think I am going to take the time to learn this Turkey? Classic example of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"! There is essentially NOTHING you can add to Office 12 except the aforementioned -- my previous Blog -- navigation enhancement. Instead, you have turned it into a mess. I teach beginning, intermediate and advanced Word and Excel. You've created a market for me and the 50 people who are going to purchase this new version between now and 2008.
"Break it to me gently; let me down the easy way" - Give me a learning curve that combines classic with ribbon. Classic represents what I haven't learned; ribbon what I have. Let ME decide when and what I will learn. You're not the BOSS of me!
"I need my space" - All that clutter from the ribbon takes up tons of space that I want for my spreadsheet or Word document. I don't want it hanging around looking pretty when it's the RESULTS that I want to look pretty not your freakin' supposed handiwork.
Oh, there's more but...why go on? You have essentially RUINED the interface for an otherwise sterling product group. Results: Zero buying proposition. The competition couldn't have planned this version of Microsoft Office any better!

And...there yah have it, again, folks. This bank of udders on the old cash cow done dried up! Proof once more that you guys and gals are workin’ for a company totally and more completely than ever...out of touch! Tsk. Tsk.

This Just In: It just keeps getting more and more interesting (12/19/2006, 09:36 EST)

EPILOGUE: J'ever wonder why more people aren't talking like this about the cash cow? Because their jobs depend upon Microsoft in some large way. If they didn't sugar coat everything with double-meanings and innuendo, they'd be out of a job. Me? I've got no job to be out of. Freedom's just another word for....?

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On

2006-12-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – “I’d Buy Vista If Only You’d…”

Here’s my wish list. You know…the one that would make me want to purchase Vista. So far, you Microsofties have given me NO GOOD REASON TO BUY. Here’s what you have to do to make it worth my while:

Have a “hook”…a feature that says to me, “Hey, this really IS better than XP!” My vote would be the feature that’s been gossiped about which enhances Internet navigation: Four (4) simple mouse motions, at the pointer, which go back, go forward, go to bottom, “x” out of the window, refresh, whatever. Saves a lot of moving to the toolbar. Gives corporate data entry a leg up on the competition as a great time saver = more productivity. Internet surfers catch a big wave...faster.

The laptop folks get a magically appearing little graphic, right at the pointer; just tap and go! Gives corporate road warriors faster ways to the bottom line. Laptop surfers catch a HUGE wave!
Guarantee an easy upgrade from XP; quick and dirty.
Don’t cost so freakin’ much for so little. Maybe the “hook” above would make it worthwhile.
Don’t confuse me so my question isn’t only WHY but WHICH ONE should I buy?
Make the product work just as good as my current XP…FROM DAY ONE! Why should I go backwards? I’ll wait until the pundits tell me what’s best. And, not the current batch of pundits who are all on the Microsoft payroll…LIPSTICKING MS. PIGGY!

There yah have it. The cash cow’s a little short on milk. Just further proof you guys and gals are workin’ for a company totally out of touch! Tsk.

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On

2006-12-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Mary Jo Says MSFT to Expose Mini in 2007. Film at 11:00!

Mary Jo Foley in her RedmondMag.com Foley on Microsoft article “Microsoft Prognostications: What's Up in 2007?” says Mini will be gone in 2007. She says:

Mini-Microsoft will be outed (or just drop out). Microsoft's infamous anonymous blogger, who is known for stumping for a leaner, meaner Microsoft, has been wavering a lot over the past year as to whether he (we know the person is male) will continue in his role as Microsoft's conscience. I foresee 2007 as the year that Microsoft gets tougher on its bloggers.”

Ooooh! Look at me…I’m so scared. Whadaya gonna do, Bill, call Patricia Dunn, ex HP board member, to see how it’s done? Go ahead, Billy boy, give it your best shot. Only you better be careful because even you and your Keystone Cops will not be above the law. Tread lightly, oh Windowed one, because while some see you as the next president of these United States, there are others who wouldn’t mind seeing a “perp walk” to a waiting Mercedes 600 paddy wagon in front of Mr. Bill’s mansion. Film at 11:00

So, while you’re trampling all over free speech at Redmond, remember to perform this one project better than any that have preceded it. Because…if you treat it like Vista, for instance, poor Mini won’t be outed for, let’s say, six years. That’s plenty of time to continue telling the truth.

Same deal with Zune, Dynamics, Office 12, IP TV.

What kills me is that y’all somehow perceive Mini as a threat. He is the best single source for corporate awareness, metamorphosis, awakening, prosperity, growth with goodness, joy and more…that a company in crisis…could EVER have!

I honestly believe that the vast majority who read and comment on Mini, myself included, want to see Microsoft prosper even more than you and your lieutenants; it’s just that they want the prosperity to come with goodness, fairness and passion. They would love to wake up almost every morning and go to a job that maximizes their abilities to contribute and connect with passionate, goal-achieving peers and managers!

They would love the feel the excitement that comes with the creation and promotion of a well-thought-out product or service instead of feeling hopeless in the knowledge that their company has lost its heart…its way.

So, should you somehow stumble towards removing Mini you will unknowingly be hurting your corporate self. Here’s hoping you achieve the same amount of success in this endeavor as in others. Can we count on you? I knew we could. Film at 11:00?

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On

2006-11-30T14:57:00.000-08:00

Microstiff -- Jesus Christ, Superstar…Who Are You What Have You Sacrificed!

Mini-Microsoft and his readers have talked of the very Limited I and II Kim’s of the organization. Isn’t it time for equal time for the Superstars? I mean, hey, they’re people, too! Let’s give them some of that there Blog-arrhea time.

But first, I ask that you not confuse the title of this expose with the 1960’s play or album. I am simply imploring so-called Microsoft superstars to step forward, with a little help from an expletive, to identify yourselves and claim your kudos. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!

F’rinstance, which of you superstars brought us Zune? Please step forward. Applause, please. Hmmm. Sounds faint here in Redmond. Oh, wait, it’s coming from Cupertino! Unplugged Apple Corporate giving thanks!

And, what stable of superstars kept us in pant-wetting suspense over the new OS, Vista, only to produce a product which, at this point in time is literally WORSE than XP in almost every respect; eye candy to the bored? Oh, that’s right, Jim Allchin headed that stable. He’s leaving in January, by the way. And...he's not sure what he’s really going to be doing. Not much of a way to retire, is it? It’s time to clean those stable floors of all the horse shit and make those remaining Vista superstars…Partners.

And, what possessed a bevy of real-live 100% true blue superstars over in Office, to rip off their blue tights and red capes and wrap them around the new Office 12 like an obfuscating ribbon of learning-curve hell? Why, it’s Superstar suicide I tell you!

My Point

It’s easy to see that there are two (2) levels of superstars at Microsoft: Limited I and Limited II:

Limited I Superstar – Good Old Boy Ivy Fraternal! (GO BIF!). Superstars by proclamation. Peter principle is suspended, indefinitely. Modern day examples: All those mentioned above plus Donald Rumsfeld. Prognosis for leaving the company: Highly unlikely. Loves the money, power, facade and will willingly, gladly hurt profits to keep the status quo.
Limited II Superstar – Outperforms others in the department. Go-to person for help and ideas. Loves Kim’s who can get things done. Limited ONLY by Limited I, GO BIF!’s who will move heaven and earth to prevent their growth. Prognosis for leaving the company: Highly likely unless their visibility for changing the world and making a difference is HIGH.

2^nd Point

Everyone at Microsoft is currently LIMITED. Why? Because, as long as the VERY LIMITED GO BIF!’s are in place, the masses of talented Limited I and II Kim’s and Limited II Superstars will be prevented from doing good works and will continue to be measured as LIMITED by the very people at Microsoft who are LIMITED THE MOST!

Final Point

There is only one person that this author knows of at Microsoft who is not somehow LIMITED by the GO BIF!’s or the system: Ray Ozzie. Will it only be a matter of time? GO RAY!

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On
Mini-Microsoft: No-so-limited Kim

2006-11-27T04:17:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Yahoo!’s Game Plan Missing One (1) Essential Ingredient for Success

Yahoo’s Senior Vice President of Communications, Communities, and Front Doors, Brad Garlinghouse and his courageous call to arms says, “The plan here is not perfect; it is, however, FAR better than no action at all. There are three pillars to my plan:

1. Focus the vision.

2. Restore accountability and clarity of ownership.

3. Execute a radical reorganization.”

Not so fast! It’s a fine three-pillared vision without MENTION OF A FOUNDATION!

On what are we to build our three pillars? In other words: “What continually and everlastingly SUPPORTS our pillars of success? The following:

1. Mission – purpose, business, values. Why do we exist? What do we do and what are our values in place for pursuing those goals?

2. Policies - that provide employees with guidance and company-wide expectations regarding company issues pertinent to our business, customers, suppliers and stockholders.

3. Procedures – Effective and efficient ways to accomplish missions, policies and business plans.

The Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, where Robert Kennedy was assassinated, was built upon a solid foundation. Today, after years of decay, it is now a new public school with parts of its original “pillars” in place.

The government of the United States is built on a solid foundation known as the Constitution and its amendments. The mission and policies and some procedures are clearly spelled out for all to follow. Leaders of all three branches come and go but the government successfully moves on. Feedback is constantly provided by constituents to provide laws and amendments, where necessary.

And so, it is the FOUNDATION which must be reviewed and shored up, FIRST, by Yahoo and Microsoft in order to provide a safe and sturdy site for rebuilding their dreams; so that buildings and people may come and go but…the mission, with its policies and procedures…lives on. Without this, there is nothing.

The Military Model

Why is it that troops can come and go and no matter where or who they are, the mission can be accomplished with effectiveness and efficiency…time and time again? And it doesn’t matter the branch: Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. I am not talking battlefield here, since implementation and planning of battles is a very creative and precarious undertaking.

I am talking about the day-to-day successful running of the military. For those of us who have been in, we remember occasional waiting but more likely, clearly stated goals and means to achieve them. Clean chain of command. Clear career path. Few politics. Little overstaffing. No hidden agendas. No hiding. Accountability. Camaraderie. Closeness. Merit-based raises and grade changes.

Why? Clear mission statement. Clear Policies. Clear Procedures backed up by clear consequences for non-performance (reduction in rank, courts martial, brig, confined to quarters)

Proposed

That before Yahoo begins to rebuild on three pillars, they take a hard look at their foundation:

1. Mission Statement - purpose, business, values. It is here where they can discover their true purpose and weed out the dead ends and pet projects.

2. Policies – revitalize and reexamine the “rules” that provide employees with guidance and company-wide expectations pertinent to those helping to carry out their mission.

3. Procedures – An ongoing fine tuning of the ways to get business done.

Strong Leadership Needed

The new and energized “foundation” must be embraced wholly by the CEO and sold upwards to the board of directors and downward throughout the company. Although amendments are encouraged, a fierce loyalty to the “foundation” -- the constitution -- must be fomented and thereby protected by the CEO.

Good Foundation? The Pillars Can Change

Employees, Troops, Tools, Buildings, Innovation can come and go but, the “foundation” remains intact. How else can the Twin Towers grow into a magnificent structure to pay homage to those who lost their lives and at the same time, conduct new and exciting business as usual?

First Things First

And so, Yahoo!, your pillars have changed. Time to build and/or reshape new ones. Do so in the knowledge that a solid foundation all but guarantees the success of your new business pillars. After that, the price of pristine pillars is eternal vigilance. Hmmm. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On

2006-11-19T17:21:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – New Yahoo! Coup…Beaucoup?

Michael Arrington’s Blog at TechCrunch speaks of Yahoo’s Senior Vice President of Communications, Communities, and Front Doors, Brad Garlinghouse and his courageous call to arms at Yahoo as a “power move.” Arrington also says:

Yahoo PR isn’t saying much, other than to point out that the very existence of the memo shows that Yahoo has an open culture: “The memo itself highlights that we have an open, collaborative culture and a senior management team that is intensely committed to helping Yahoo fulfill its potential as an Internet leader.”"

To me, it’s moot that this is a power move. After reading Yahoo’s PR response and Garlinghouse’s “leaked” memo, I say…more power to yah, Brad!

Arrington goes on to say:

My guess is that Yahoo senior management has been discussing these types of changes for some time…"

If so, Brads’ their man and the power coup motive is…well…irrelevant, if not altogether mistaken . This can be supported by Arrington reporting the following:

Either way, at this point, I don’t see how Semel and Garlinghouse can both remain at Yahoo. From what I’m hearing, Semel may be the one to lose. The WSJ reports that Yahoo COO Dan Rosensweig has put Garlinghouse in charge of a working group to review how the points in the memo can be put into action."

That’s why this writer believes Yahoo’s Lieutenants, its top management team, of which Garlinghouse is a member, in effect, staged a courageous and much needed coup to begin to turn the company around.

Stay tuned for more as we dissect this startling memo and talk about how it can help or hurt Microsoft.

Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On

2006-11-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Your Trip on the “Redmond Limited” – A Pragmatist’s View from 80 Miles Up

First, One Basic Premise – You don’t have to see “how others in industry do it” to know if it’s good or bad; you just “feel it in your gut.” This simply means that, when something’s wrong, like the “Limited” label, it will take more than a truckload of HR apologists to spin it right. So, I use nothing more than good old common sense and red-blooded American ingenuity to make my case. You decide.

Your trip on the Redmond Limited begins at the station, of course. This station is like many at Microsoft…newly designed, austere yet filled with gratuitous, name-etched-on-every-glass-pane arrogance. Oh, and the station just “magically appears.” No announcements, no fanfare, just a new station, built just for you on your trip to nowhere.

The stationmaster is the campy-casually dressed Beesa Lee. Beesa does best when she’s not talking and just mastering the station. Oh, she’s seen many a train come through her station but this is her favorite: The Redmond Limited; quick and stealthy with a powerful diatribe. But it’s nothing more than Gilly-speak, a kind of canned rhetoric that emanates from a Muzak-quality speaker with little round grill holes just beneath the surface of this wind-up-Gilly-doll with the robust demeanor.

Gilly-speak is the brain child of that brainy child known as Gilly Bates, the wealthy tycoon industrialist “railroader” also known as the “Commodore”; the man-boy who likes to think he runs more than your business lives. Gilly-speak goes like this: Money and Power trump Civility and Love. Pure and simple. You say there’s no room for love in business? At Microsoft, you’re right. And, if you think there is, then…you’re Limited.

Let those words sink in. You’re Limited. LIMITED! Make you feel good? I didn’t think so. That’s because, try as he may, Gilly doesn’t know how to make you feel good. You can’t give what you don’t have. Gilly don’t play that!

Commodore Gilly created the Redmond Limited because it fits the programmer’s paradigm: Problem - perceived deadwood. Solution - a series of finite, instructions designed to repeat, again and again, with a minimum of overhead and a maximum payoff with no human intervention. The Redmond Limited! All a-booaaarrrd!

Board it and you are Soylent Green: A little green biscuit of your former self; eaten up by the hungry Limitless Ones, your cube mates on a better track.

How did you get so limited? Your reviews have all been good. Your job? Well, somewhere along the way Beesa, keeper of all things HR, forgot to provide a safety valve, a way out, a way up. So, here you are, doing good but dead wood…at least according to the Gilly-man.

A week or a month or two ago, before they wanted to turn you into crackers of the green kind, things were so…well…limitless. You could actually do good in a dead end job and feel good about yourself. Now, not only did Beesa define your job as dead end but, Gilly says your good work is now bad. It’s like Gilly and Beesa…they…well…tag-teamed up to just beat the livin’ HOPE right the hell outa yah! All a-booaaarrrd!

What is it, Gilly? Your kids not listening to you? Wifey too independent? Tablet computers not selling like hotcakes? American educational system not jumpin’ at your millions? Vista condoms not solving the African HIV problem? What’s goin’ on, Gilly-boy? Just how can you explain this absolutely ridiculous response to a totally erroneous assumption that multitudes of Microsofties are hiding under their desks.

And…how can you call someone Limited and expect them to prosper? Perhaps, Bubby, it’s YOU that are Limited. All a-booaaarrrd!

Meanwhile, if the rest of us are feeling Limitless while others see us as wearing a big, red “LTD” around our necks, we DO have some choices:

Don’t buy into it; i.e. – don’t get on the train. Leave.
Don’t buy into it; i.e. – don’t get on the train. Stay and change the system.
Don’t buy into it; i.e. – don’t get on the train. Stay and hide under your desk

NOTE: Each choice and any you can think of, all begin with “Don’t buy into it; i.e. – don’t get on the train.” This is PARAMOUNT! As Mini says, if you believe you’re limited, you’ll act that way.

Of course, being known as a “Limited” will foster a culture of “haves and have nots”, so should you decide to fight the good fight, it won’t be easy. You may not win this fight but you WILL be empowered! You ARE Limitless! All a-booaaarrrd for the Redmond Limitless. This train is bound for glory...this train!

Mini-Microsoft: No-so-limited Kim
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results

2006-11-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – A Nirvana Moment in Journalism

Occasionally, someone comes along and says in one paragraph what I and others would take reams to say, if at all. That someone is Whisperycat.

Whisperycat left a great message at the Mary Jo Foley site in response to the question: “Can Microsoft brand its way to coolness?”

Corporate thuggery and bullying aren't really cool. Flouting EU law because the fines don't make a dent in their profits, isn't cool. Entering into meaningless pacts with Novell in an attempt to undermine Linux ain't cool. Supporting SCO through Baystar wasn't cool. Selling hugely expensive licenses for buggy, virus prone software that needs ever more resource to run it, isn't cool. Paying people to astroturf on user groups and forums isn't just uncool, its creepy. And any organisation that's ever stooped to using the names of dead people on its astroturfed letters to US senators, is very uncool. Microsoft can't be cool in the same way that the IRS or a Debt Collection Agency can't be cool. You can't buy cool, you can't infiltrate cool, steal all its secrets and then pretend you've become it.

BONUS: And now, on the same day, a "second coming" of Journalistic Nirvana? Synchronicity? Serendipity? Hope? Read here, from the WSJ, how just one person can actually and painfully "get 'er done" at Microsoft. And...notice the candor of the article. Ray Ozzie's alive and well after all. Wow!

Mini-Microsoft: No-so-limited Kim
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results

2006-11-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Bill Gates says McAfee, Symantec -- the Great Vista Castrators!

“BRUSSELS, Belgium - Microsoft Corp. Chairman Bill Gates SEARCH
said Thursday the company's upcoming Windows Vista operating system has survived antitrust complaints by rivals who aimed to "castrate" it.”

Hmmmm. Looks like them two security guards, Mac and Sym, aren’t gonna have access to the kernel anytime soon, huh Bill? No siree! Them boys is gonna be outside with their noses pressed up against that there Aero glass just a waitin’ and a waitin’ for the kernel to open his doors. Ain’t a happenin’! No Kernel for Competitors (KFC) any time soon!

To hear Bill tell it, that would amount to castration! “Yah see, (Dubya-esque), Vista’s got all this testosterone that’s just a boilin’ up inside, dyin’ to git out!” Come January, yah see, we’ll release this cauldron of steaming, burnin' churnin' funk upon the world. Why, women will swoon! Balding men will grow hair! Body builders and professional baseball sluggers will burst like Fenway franks!

Why? Because Symantec and McAffe were each issued a 50 yard restraining order to stay away from the kernel’s huge testeronical balls! And, lord knows they’re big what with all the testosterone of them new features and everythang! (sss-shrink).

Yup, there’s Aero, with those shiny translucent, Apple-like windows and a hefty ram/cpu overhead fee (shrink). Why, there’s the brand new security features. Every time I use Vista, I’ll be thinking of them (Of course, I don’t have to now because everything works fine with XP and with the help of Sym and Mac "The Castrators"!) (shrank)

Let’s not forget all them programs and drivers that worked so well with XP. Gone! (shrunk).

Well, looka here! Them huge Vista balls done shrunk down to the size of a couple of M&M’s. Quick, do something before they melt in...

Moral of the story? You cain’t castrate what ain’t there, Bill. You just cain’t de-nut a neutered eunuch such as the likes of...Vista.

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy
Party Hearty!

2006-11-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Microstiff – Microsoft Scurrying for Vista Features…None In Sight!

What do you do when you have a new product that has a NEGATIVE BUYING PROPOSTION?

I’m talkin’ about Vista, rhymes with Mister and makes us pissed-er with a capital “P”! Step right up folks…only a thin dime to see the greatest boondoggle of this century and the last. The earmark of all earmarks, conceived from the collective minds of every special interest bureaucrat at that late, great American corporation – Microsoft!

Such is the case of the five year plus saga of the late-and-not-so-great Vista; an OS whose time has…well…passed. Whose features are non-existent unless you upgrade three things: your computer, your Vista version AND your tolerance level of the definition of what is considered a useful feature: Aero.

Let’s look at the buying proposition, here. Let’s use an analogy we all understand: The American Dream – a shiny, new car!

We’ll use Toyota, BMW or Lexus. Make your choice and then listen to your Vista-trained salesman:

Folks, here's our very latest and greatest! It does exactly the same thing as last year's model, no more, no less. We’ve made minor cosmetic changes to the outside and inside and, oh yes given it a new model name: Vista.”

“We’ve also made some important security changes to our onboard engine computer which you won’t notice but, nevertheless, makes it harder for the engine to fail. Took us three years for that one. I know you’ll be thinking about that feature while you drive down the road.”

“Now, because of our intense 5-year-innovation plan, we’re charging you MORE for this new car. Incidentally, we’re working out (quite) a few bugs that the old car doesn’t have but the new Vista model…does. All we ask is your patience and an occasional return to the dealership for repairs.”

“So, whadaya think? Do we have a deal?” Huh? Shall I repeat the benefits?”

Seriously, how is this analogy any different than the current Vista buying proposition? What’s frightening here is the attitude of militant ignorance that Microsoft takes when presenting this giant step backwards to the American public. The Inquirer staff writes:

Steve Ballmer, interviewed by the San Jose Mercury News, said Windows XP had a lot of "happy users" and it will be a challenge to get them to buy a new PC or upgrade the OS.

But the interview also reveals that Ballmer hopes it will inject new life into the PC industry. He said Vista will be a "boon" for PC manufacturers. Graphics card makers like NVIDIA and ATI certainly hope so, that's for sure.

Ballmer didn't talk about the large existing user base of corporate users, many of which still haven't shifted to Windows XP, never mind the as yet unproven Microsoft Vista.”

Has the world gone mad? Ballmer’s telling us, if we do our homework, we’ll soon see that Vista has no buying proposition! Have we been so numbed by the carnival-huckster-three-walnut-shells-and- the-pea wokka-wokka that comes out of Ballmer’s mouth that this particular one fell on deaf ears…too?

And, if this is the Vista outlook, what about Office 12? Tie a yellow ribbon ‘round the corporate neck…and hang me! Please! Ray…Ray Ozzie…I’m beggin’ yah. Lift your head up, get up from your desk, start walkin’ the halls and for God’s sake…do something! Now!

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy

2006-11-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

Microstiff - Building Microsoft Academy

I’m beggin’ yah, Microsofties…listen up for a few minutes.

Your idea to build a Microsoft Academy is a truly noble one and would make a great difference in the lives of programmers, testers and developers at Microsoft. Surely, there would be a renewed sense of commitment and teamwork and spirit that would pervade your ranks. And…that’s where it would stop!

It’s a sad truth, mostly anecdotal, that your boss and your boss’s boss and your boss’s boss’s boss at Microsoft AREN’T and WON’T BE ANY TIME SOON…interested in your growth as a Microsoft employee. And, unless a Microsoft Academy will somehow put a feather in their tiny little political, façade-managing caps, you are pissing into the wind!

With all due respect to Mini and you guys and gal, why do you insist upon creating these wonderful ideas for these people only to have them fall upon their little deaf ears and clogged cerebral passageways? THE HANDWRITING IS ON THE WALL; has been for some time.

Sales courses and books of all types speak of talking in terms of the other person’s interests; of painting a “word picture of your prospect using your product and benefiting from it.” How is Microsoft Academy going to improve the business lives of the spiritually bankrupt legions of sycophantic Billboot lickers? Hey, talk to someone who cares!

I mean, are you you still in shock...or something ? What’s it going to take for you to move past this denial-bargaining stage into the appropriate anger and acceptance stages? This wonderful plan that would work in any sane business organization is doomed to failure where you work. Why? Because, as speech writers, you fail to know your audience! You continue to attempt to bargain with your captors if only to return to the way things were.

Trouble is, dear Microsoftie, things were NEVER good at Microsoft. Hey, once you learned that partners and managers with good business plans rated the success of their plans, when presented to Bill Gates, by the fewest number of times he said, “fuck”; that good plans hung on how well you caressed the ego of this self-possessed genius-madman...weren’t you just a TAD suspicious?

Hey, some of us come from upbringings where our parents were cold and distant; where hugs were non-existent and our spiritual growths were not a consideration. Welcome to Microsoft! Your quest for nurturing and happiness is genuine and respected; your ideas are good; your desire to make a difference, honorable. You simply have the wrong corporate family!

So, I suggest that you do what most of us in our families of origin eventually learn to do: Create a new family. Oh, you can visit the toxic ones from time to time but, you must remove yourself from the toxicity of this environment. Unless, you’ve got a good boss; one who buffers you from the evil…sorta like a big brother. Then, stay, learn, then go.

Meanwhile, don’t give up the dream for a Microsoft Academy. Just take out the word “Microsoft”.

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy

2006-11-02T11:46:00.000-08:00

Free Accounting Express 2007 -- Thanks for Nothin’!

You get what you pay for? Could be with Microsoft Office Accounting Express 2007.

I am an accounting-type geek – Great Plains, QuickBooks, Solomon, Peachtree, SBT -- which means I can teach people how to write programs AND do accounting. Crazy combo, I know, but that's just how the brain cells twisted around each other to create that entity known as me!

Yesterday, my accounting side got the better of me when I saw FREE Microsoft software and I downloaded the 300Mb + express version to my Gateway 3.06 HT, ATI Radeon Express 200, 2048Mb memory, 200Gb HD system. Express version means, mostly, no Inventory Parts Control, Job Costing, Asset Management, and Dashboard and Cash Flow Analysis. Other than that, you’re good to go with a very hearty accounting system in the QuickBooks genre, for a very nice price…FREE!

Oh, if I only could discover if it works for me! Yah see (George-istic), it’ll work for a while and then, Pfffffftttt! Here’s what’s gone wrong (now, mind you I’ve got a pristine hardware setup here; high speed, plain vanilla):

After initial download and program launch, my free, bundled AOL firewall asked me if I wanted to let the Evil Empire through; I said sure. Hung up and stayed hung, trying to register online with MSFT. O.K., I’ll give you that, sorta. Maybe everybody hitting at once. Solution: Warm boot, ostensibly because included SQL server will not give up the “End Now” ghost.
IPL again and got same. Decided to try in morning.
Morning. IPL lets me past, this time and I am in the driver’s seat. I put on my green arm garter, green visor and turn on my green accountant’s lamp. Choose a sample company and proceed to create an invoice. All’s well until I want to look up customer credit history. Pffffffttt! Hangs up. Solution: Cold boot. Sometimes warm boots don’t work (old computer operator wives’ tale).
IPL and want to create a Quote (convertible to an Invoice later). All’s well until I want to lookup tax information. Pffffffttt! Hangs up. Solution: Cold boot.
IPL and now I get the dreaded all-links-are-in-light-gray-you-can’t-choose-a-f#*king-thing application window. Solution: Cold Boot.
Chose Data Files on the Express 2007 menu and repaired them. Says there “were no errors”.
IPL and now I can’t get past the original problem of signing in with MSFT.

Bottom line. Thanks for nuttin’, Microsoft. And I’m a computer guy. Most SMB owners would have given up a long time before I did! Sometimes FREE means you get what you pay for!

Moral: Free download is the very same thing as a new product launch. Everything should be seamless and transparent…ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE TALKING SMB OWNERS. Shame on you!

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Academy

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results

2006-10-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

Vomitus KoolAidicus

A recent Mini-Microsoft poster said:

I am impressed. Jeff Raike announced in the http://give web site that MSFT has raised 63 millions for the giving campaign.

I think our partners should have given a lot this time. Good for them and good for all of us."

…And, Merry Christmas one and all Tiny Tim.

Ahhooecchhh! There, I finally did it. After threatening all these times, I've gone and done it. No...You clean it up...I just can't. My stomach acid and your grape Kool-Aid wafting through the air...makes me...well...want to…well…puke!

You know, it's amazing to me what some of you partners will talk about as your company gears up to put coal in everyone's geek-white Xma$ stockings. "Here, let's give uncle Bob that box of 5.25" floppies he's always wanted. Double-density!"

“Computer, Billy? No can do. Yah see, (Bush-ian speak), we're not ready with our OS quite yet. And, we can't figure out which one to give you, if we were. The one called Basic is good only for those 3rd world, wood-burning computers. Ultimate isn't for sale at any price (well, at least you can't buy it with an upgrade coupon).”

Acer thinks we're trying to do a squeeze play on their marketing plan and the rest aren't talking for fear of banishment from the Evil Empire.

Doesn’t it seem like the end product of your one-and-only American Monopoly is a one-and-only monopoly on abject chaos? Screwed up decisions, one-after-the-other? This whole company should be a ten volume case study in “how to do almost everything wrong and make a killing!” Oh, if that were only true. The “killing” was fortuitously made years ago when Microsoft became the only game in town for operating systems and office productivity.

Since those days, Microsoft management has taken on a “let them eat cake” mentality. Ask yourself, Microsofties, which Microsoft product or service has been introduced to the world at large without some serious purchasing caveat that has to return to the drawing board for serious rewrite?

Let’s move backward from Vista to prove this point: WGA, EULA, Vista Coupons, Vista Basic, Vista Ultimate, Vista featureless, Vista Hardware Requirements, Vista Pricing, Vista and the OEMs, Vista EU, blah, blah, blah. It’s comical, really. How can so many smart people be so dumb? Answer: Because they can. Why? No consequences for their actions.

Screw up? Just dig into that Scrooge McDuck Money Bin. No one, not the CFO, not the partners, not Bill Gates and not the stockholders will call you out on it! In fact, we all know you can screw up, not get fired, leave and come back at a higher status and pay level. Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t an Ivy-generated League of Incompetence. I mean, really, that many in one place should be illegal!

Recap: Tiny Tim La-La Land Mini-Microsoft poster causes Writer’s Vomitus causing knee jerk reaction to Vista Christmas Snafus causing WTF reaction to Microsoft non-responsibility clause in every manger’s contract, causing gratuitous remark about Ivy League of Incompetence causing…

Sense of resignation. Carry on!

Mini-Microsoft: Ba-Da-????
Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results

2006-10-31T06:29:00.000-08:00

Microsoft as a Sales Organization – Bushes and Salesmen – Who’s Beatin’ Who?

A recent Mini-Microsoft poster wrote:

So, with all this talk about partners being buttered up and the programmers being starved poor - do the engineers realize that unless the partners (well at least, the better ones) were selling the product they are building, no one gets paid? Partners will undoubtedly get paid more than your top notch software engineer for a good reason too - they rake in the money with their skills. Most engineers wouldn't know their a-hole from a hole in the ground when it comes to selling or communicating with people.”

Well, dear writer, you are correct. Sales people DO GET PAID MORE than most folks – not just engineers – because of what they must do. Imagine the average bear getting up every morning and facing people they’ve never met before to convince them that they need something you, and quite likely others, have. Not for the faint of heart.

Not so fast! What if you have products that bring in 80% of your revenues and profits that DON’T REQUIRE THE CONVINCING OF OTHERS TO SELL THEM? You know, the ubiquitous and competition-less Microsoft Windows, Internet Explorer and Office. Does this make you a salesman or an ORDER TAKER? I am going to go with the latter.

So, the case can be made that 80% of Microsoft’s revenues come from products that SELL THEMSELVES! This means that a Microsoft engineer would MOST ASSUREDLY RECOGNIZE his a-hole from a HOLE IN THE GROUND when it comes to selling ALMOST ALL of Microsoft’s products!

This writer, in fact, pulled aside three (3) Microsoft engineers and performed a little test. Each was given a copy of Vista installed on a new OEM PC and then asked to convince the OEM to purchase the copy of Vista. Each succeeded by MERELY POINTING to the PC. No verbal communication was required!

Next, each engineer was asked, when confronted by a black hole making a huge sucking sound just outside the entrance to Microsoft Redmond and just a little left of the flagpole, "which is your very own a-hole and which is a hole in the ground?" To a PERSON, each responded correctly. So, you see, Microsoft engineers CAN communicate successfully about their bleeding edge products.

Not so fast, you say! What about other Microsoft products. Doesn’t it take a capable sales professional to sell Dynamics, for instance? Why, yes, it does.

“C’mon pardner, let’s saddle up and mosey on down to that huge black hole with the sucking sound near the flagpole. I heard tell that’s the sound of that there Dynamics sucking down the Office “bottom line”. Pshaw!”

“Why, Ned, them things just sell themselves, don’t they?”

“Golly, you’d think so, Newt. Them Great Plains folks didn’t seem to have any trouble. Maybe we should see how they did it. Whadaya say, Newt?”

“Heck, no, Ned. We got our Innovator reputations to protect. We kin figure it out ourselves. After all, we's highly-paid, cold-calling, desire-building professional closers; them ones Microsoft thought they's a gettin' when they hired us. Ain’t we, Ned? Ned? Oh, my gawd! That there SUCKING HOLE done swallered Ned right up!”

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results
Mini-Microsoft: Ba-Da-????

2006-10-28T04:08:00.000-07:00

How Now, Cash Cow? – A Pragmatist’s Analysis of Projected Microsoft Vista Sales, Revenues and Profits

Microsofties, be afraid, be very afraid. Why, because based upon some very simple anecdotal conclusions, Vista’s grand entrance may be the very first half-step in turning the Microsoft OS Cash Cow into a Pig in a Poke.

Vista Sales as Installed on New PC’s

Steve Ballmer says that there are, on average, “200 million new PC sales each year” as of 2006. Whatever that number is, the pragmatist sees that sales of Vista through this channel represent no significant change in Microsoft sales and revenue and, more likely, a drop in profits. Here’s why:

Vista has no significant buying proposition for users. This means, PC sales will unlikely be influenced by the new OS features. Thus, there will be little if any incremental PC sales resulting from Vista features.
Given that XP and Vista have similar selling prices, installed Vista PC sales represent no “new and increasing sales revenues.” In other words, business as usual.
Profits will be lower per copy because of administration costs involved in promoting and supporting the new OS.
PC sales, irrespective of OS, are expected to slow in 2007.

CONCLUSION: Little if any incremental 2007 OS sales from Installed PC sales and most likely, a drop in profits resulting in the 2007 sales from this market sector.

Vista Consumer Retail Sales

Of course, there will be retail consumer sales of Vista in all its forms, in 2007. The early adopters and techno freaks will buy it, sight unseen. They’ll, no doubt, fumble through its installation because…well…because…it’s what they do! What about Joe Average? Anecdotal evidence points to…”Not so fast!” Here’s what I'm hearing:

“No Features” – No compelling reason to buy. Aero looks nice but “gimmicky” and won’t be used that often. Gadgets? Just that. Security? Mine is all in place for free and updated daily.
Gotta buy more ram and video to make Aero fly – Thank you very much, Microsoft, but $200 - $300 more for a $200 to $300 OS puts me at $400 to $600 outa pocket! For what?
Bloggers are saying “install Vista from scratch”. You gotta be kidding! My apps all work great with XP and I don’t want the hassle!
Bugs, bugs, bugs - SP1 is when it first all shakes out for any Microsoft OS.

CONCLUSION: Retailers sold 250,000 copies of Windows XP in November, 2001, its first full month of availability, down from 400,000 in October of 2001. Anecdotal information above indicates these figures will surely be lower for Vista. Hey, these reasons are quite compelling, wouldn’t you say? Expect very slow consumer adoption. Revenues will fall short with profits down because of marketing and support fixed costs.

Vista Business Sales

Of course, there will be business sales of Vista in all its forms, in 2007. The early business adopters will buy it, but not nearly in the same numbers that consumers do. Hey, we're running a business here!

But, what about the average SMB? Anecdotal evidence points to…”Not so fast!” Here’s what I'm hearing:

“No Features” – Again, no compelling reason to buy. Aero looks nice but “gimmicky” and won’t be used that often in the biz environment. Gadgets? Just that. Security? We’re happy with ours; we spent beaucoup time fine tuning it. No time saving features. No productivity enhancements. No business proposition. No buy!
Gotta buy more ram and video to make Aero fly – Thank you very much, Microsoft, but $200 - $300 more for a $200 to $300 OS puts me at $400 to $600 outa pocket! For what?
Bugs, bugs, bugs - Again, SP1 is when it first all shakes out for any Microsoft OS. We’ll wait the year or two, or three?.
“If it Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” – Why bother? No compelling reason to buy. No time saving features. No productivity enhancements. What one company said in a CNET news article back in 2001, would seem to apply today:

“One company likely to take that route is Koch Industries, a diversified oil and gas investment and trading company that employs 11,000.

‘We would wait for the first service release to deploy Windows XP, so that would be early 2002 before we'd be willing to deploy," said Michael Korgie, Koch's director of infrastructure planning. The company is about six months along in a three-year migration to Windows 2000, he said. "We are not accelerating our normal PC refresh cycle to upgrade the OS.’”

CONCLUSION: Vista will be a non-player for businesses until the features arrive and bugs go away, even more so than XP was! And, the buying cycle today, for Koch Industries above, would likely be 3 years or more, if at all! Expect very slow business adoption. Revenues will fall short with profits down because of marketing and support fixed costs.

FINAL CONCLUSIONS:

Don’t expect stock values to soar.
Don’t expect that raise you had hoped for.
Don’t expect your company to do anything different but protect its ever drying up Cash Cow!
Don’t expect the same amount of respect from the outside world that you once had.

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft FY07Q1 Results

Mini-Microsoft: Ba-Da-????

2006-10-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

Microsofties, I am worried…

I am worried that you might abandon Mini for the stage lights. That this opportunity LisaB has promised you is too powerful an aphrodisiac for you. Like the bipolar, alcoholic parent who, in a stage of relative calm, reaches out to you, to comfort you. The lure is powerful; the dream, the fantasy must be fulfilled, if only momentarily.

Or, like the lost first love, still in your heart, your dreams, beckoning you to go back in time and get it right. “If only I had…” Powerful stuff.

I urge you to look at your company’s creation of the internal Blog this way. A lure; an aphrodisiac.

Understand. YOU are the Blog. The Blog is the message. Your company is only the messenger. What has changed about the messenger? Is the duck still a duck? Who will listen to your words? Will they be turned against you? Who will act on your behalf? What will their actions be? Remember this; YOU are the sane one in this equation. Reach out to those who are like you, who know your plight…or, you may be drawn MORE into the insanity.

STEP # 1: PROCEED WITH READING AND POSTING ON THE COMPANY BLOG WITH CAUTION; KEEP EXPECTATIONS LOW.
I am also worried that you might eliminate outsiders from your “reality menu” by abandoning Mini. After all, abandon Mini, abandon Microstiff. Now, I don’t pretend to be everything you’ve ever wanted in an external voice. But, I will tell you this:

I can turn a phrase so I’ll keep it interesting.

I have a sense of humor, so I’ll keep it funny.

I am a recovering – recovered? – addicted person with scads of time in every 12 step room there is and every kind of therapy there is. Don’t let that scare you; it just means that my levels of awareness exceed my levels of denial. And, that my addictions, lying, cheating, and the like are pretty much ruined…forever (food’s a bitch!)

I read “The Road Less Traveled” by Dr. Scott Peck, many times over and so I have a good handle on what love is and how powerful it can be once we stop trying to fill ourselves up with it and begin to give it back.

I have no get rich aspirations and therefore, I will not accept any remuneration for my efforts.

Stage lights no longer appeal to me.

Politics…suck!

STEP # 2: CONTINUE TO LISTEN TO OUTSIDERS, EVEN LINUX TYPES, AS THEY CAN PRESENT A WORLD VIEW OF YOUR INSULAR COMPANY’S BEHAVIOR AND HELP YOU FIND BALANCE WITH YOUR JOB.

I am also worried that you will fall victim once again, as outsiders have, to the Accumulation Addiction syndrome your company promotes. What I mean by this is that, your company, since its inception, has consciously or subconsciously (probably the latter since awareness is not a strong point of Bill Gates’ makeup) strived to conquer all competitors and literally “be the only game in town.”

As the Internet begins to chip away at this goal, fear of being dominated begins to overrule in the simplest of corporate decisions. One such result is the Internal Corporate Blog.

You can be certain that this is NOT a LisaB brainchild but that of the child with the big brain: Bill Gates. This is nothing more than the desire to conquer all, once again, OWNING the opinions of the employees, and dispensing them to suit the needs of the very INSULAR Microsoft.

The success of this brainchild will surely meet with the same kinds of success that other dominating endeavors have: MEDIOCRITY!

STEP # 3: SEE THE BLOG FOR WHAT IT IS: “ANOTHER MICROSOFT SILO” DESTINED TO BECOME 2^ND RATE AND SUPERFLUOUS. PRAY THAT IT DOESN’T.
Finally, I am worried that your company will neither successfully innovate nor copy, that Ray Ozzie cannot or will not rise up to become the spiritual (marketing) leader of your company and neither stockholders, board of directors nor Bill Gates will react in time to make Microsoft relevant in the 21^st century.

STEP # 4: PRAY. WHY? BECAUSE, SADLY, NOTHING YOU ARE DOING RIGHT APPEARS TO BE MAKING A DIFFERENCE.

Mini-Microsoft: Ba-Da-????

2006-10-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

Microstiff – We’re Just Messin’ with Yah, Darwin!

Survival of the Fittest. Natural Selection. The Strong will Survive. All different ways of saying there’s a natural thing in nature that insures the preservation of the species and…the demise of the weaker.

However, when you walk by Charles Darwin’s grave at Westminster Abbey, you may just hear the faint sound of elbows bouncing off the inside of his crypt. Why? The dude’s rolling over…in his grave! Why? Bill Gates!

Yah see (Bushesque), Charley just can’t understand the duality of Bill’s adherence to the most inviolate principle in the world: Natural Selection. Mr. Darwin rests peacefully when Bill ruthlessly eats his weaker competitors, eliminates outside security companies from his OS, or steals the ideas of small companies only to have to pay them triple, five years hence. Darwin at its best! Huzzah!

What drives dear old Charles absolutely bonkers is Mr. Gates codependent (“the dependence of two people, groups, or organisms on each other, especially when this reinforces mutually harmful behavior patterns”) behavior towards employees. Examples:

It’s been known for years that you can leave Microsoft to pursue your dreams and should they fall through, be welcomed back into the fold, usually with more money and position.
There is a system in place that minimizes your pay increases should you be too long in grade without good reviews. In other words, no raise, however, no firing; “keep up the mediocre work, we love you, Microsoftie.”
There’s an entire level of employee at Microsoft known as a “Partner” who are essentially rewarded handsomely for having reached that level but are known to produce little of significant contribution to the corporate profits.
People are seldom fired, just “reassigned”. One Microsoftie, on the popular Mini- Microsoft Blog says, “Until the price for failure is that you're gone not merely reassigned or demoted, then by and large it's just ineffectual business as usual.”

Yah see, you can’t have this schizophrenia with Natural Selection. The law is immutable. In other words, you can spit into the wind, for just a tad, but then, you get all wet. And, if your chewin’ tobacco, smelly. Yah see?

What keeps Microsoft from getting all wet and smelly? Deep pockets. The kind that are filled continually off the backs of unsuspecting Windows users – 850 million strong – who, time and time again purchase a monopolistic, mediocre operating system.

Bottom line: The schizophrenic application of an immutable theory which leads to nice paychecks in a company that won’t fire me. Don’t know about you but, if I came through the front door with high expectations and great talent, there’s a strong possibility I will be rewarded only for my mediocrity which will be passively promoted by the four (4) corporate policies noted above. In other words, the system is rigged and, because it goes against a law that’s proven, it cannot help but fail. So, why continue it?

Why indeed. Why does anyone continue what they are doing? Because there’s no immediate consequences for the behavior. With $35 billion in the bank, who gives a dead rat’s ass. Only the dead rat. Microsoft, how long before you see that, “you are that dead rat”.

Try this in the morning. When you get up to shave or put on your lipstick (hopefully not both) humbly picture yourself in the mirror…on your back. Four little feet pointing up in the air. Dopey little teeth sticking out. Eyes closed. Whiskers becalmed. S-shaped tail untwitching. That could be you. If Ray Ozzie doesn’t pull it off or SteveB doesn’t go to Live Services School or "how to purchase something without guilt because you've got more money than God..school" or Bill doesn’t stop the corporate codependent schizophrenia, then, when the billions get burned, you’ll be gone. And, based on the schizophrenia, that’ll be the only time…you’ll be gone.

Do you want to sit in your enforced mediocrity until then? If not, then speak up! Or, leave! You know why? Because, you can’t pull the mask off of old Lone Ranger and…you can’t mess around with Chuck Darwin.

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Microstiff – Pullin’ Some Good Numbers Here, Mini!

In my quest for truth, justice and the American way, I thought I’d see if my words are bringing any readers to the Mini effort. Turns out my “piggybacking” is getting some good numbers. I hooked up with Google’s AdSense, not so much to make a few shekels but, to measure the hits. Surprise, surprise!

Won’t say how many but, enough for this author to blink twice and feel renewed regarding the rather symbiotic role I play with Mini. (Remember, folks, Mini and I don’t talk; it’s probably better that way).

So, I’ll continue to scour the lower regions while Mini feeds more near the top and, with your help, we can collectively…clean up the lake!

Carry on.

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

Microstiff – Are Ozzie and Hairless Still the Honeymooners?

Is the relationship between Ray Ozzie and his Live Services and Steve Ballmer and his Live Service initiatives becoming strained? Redmond’s not saying so, but we are. Here’s why:

Although Ray’s a “head down” kind of a developer guy, he’s got enough of that right brain working for him that he surely sees that single gadgets do not a Live Services platform make. And yet, single gadgets are what they have. A series of “one trick ponies” each in their own corral.
While Steve Ballmer’s deciding whether to make Works into Live Works, Google just gave us “Docs & Spreadsheets”, a way to create and share documents and spreadsheets, online. SteveB, we’re talking Internet time, here!
Ballmer had a chance to do the ad thing with MySpace and…blew it! Couldn’t spend that much money. Poppycock! Didn’t have time for the pain…of spending that much money. Where does that put Live Services? Still crunching out hybrid gadgets with no place to sell them. Where is the mojo, I ask you?
Next up, YouTube. Blew by so fast SteveB didn’t even have a chance to adjust his shorts, take a stiff shot of Crown Royale, wait for the onions to descend and grab the brass ring. Gone…in Internet time! Ray asks, “What else can we buy, boss?”, SteveB coughs, his juevos rancheros return to their sanctuaries, and a deafening silence ensues.
Ray “The Tail” is now wagging Steve “The Dog” and…this dog ain’t huntin’! Ray’s building thingies and there’s no place to put ‘em!
Ray’s not talking like we’d like him to talk: Part programmer, part innovator, part carnival huckster. Again…where is the mojo? I know that, when the stress is on, it can be much easier to get lost in programming than to deal with innovation/sales issues. Is this the case? Where is the leadership, the press releases, the work in process, the Blog, the excitement?
Ray is an innovator in a non-innovating company with no innovation policies and his boss doesn’t seem willing to address that state of affairs. The desktop is his sanctuary (except for those juevos). Right now, Live Services has NO COMPELLING BUSINESS PROPOSITIONS! Where are those going to materialize from?
No, folks, unless there’s a new attitude at the top and one that operates in Internet time, Live Services, even WITH Ray Ozzie at the helm, seems doomed to be going the way of every other project of half measures at Microsoft -- a floundering ménage of mediocre features haphazardly mingled into a faux system of solutions with no corporate compass or accountability for their success or failure.

So, if Ray Ozzie isn’t disappointed with the performance of Steve Ballmer and wondering how his part of the company can succeed, well then...I am FOR him... disappointed and disillusioned! He’s like the heart of a teenager, transplanted and beating strongly in the body of a poly-addicted behemoth of minimum awareness. Will that body attack him as "foreign"; will he eventually be chewed up, spit out and be seen hightailing it back to Marblehead or Fargo, like the rest of them? Or will he go with Steve Ballmer -- " To the moon, Alice, to the moon!"

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

Three (3) New LisaB PIC Captions. Yer gonna like these! ...maybe.

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - We've Got Big Butts, They've got Big Butts, But the Biggest Butts of All...

Softies, this is just a repost since Brier Dudley pre-empted my previous butt post. Hmmmm! Methinks there is something strange going on. Anyway, carry on:

Oh, BTW, three (3) new captions for LisaB pic here.

Check out the Ballmer Butt Bandits - New comment on Random October Bits Cutting Room Floor. The banner ad I see is trying to sell me “Anti Monkey Butt Powder”. Glad I could open you up to a whole new world of niche products. Gonna git me some!

Mini says SteveB is great one-on-one, which is a bit surprising in a posting with the title beginning “Ballmer Butt Bandits” but, who am I to judge?

Inside SteveB

Also, we get a rare peek into the inner sanctum, as it were, with a visual of Mini and SteveB, one-on-one, yucking it up. Nice guy. SteveB. He gets it!

Well, Mini, I get it too and, a lot like SteveB, I ain’t using it! I’m trying but, these little forays into poison pen purgatory have limited effect. But, I press ahead without fear.

And, that’s where SteveB and I differ because I believe SteveB is immobilized with fear; that he’s reaching for the Peter of his Principles, and with things not so firmly in hand, is fearfully pissing away the future of Microsoft!

Put another way, he’s writing his name in the snow but it’s illegible. And, it’s waaaaay too late to teach him Spenserian. “Here, let me show you, Steve. ” Not this writer, thank you very much! No, it’s time for someone with more Peter and equal Principle. Someone who ben dere, done dat. Otherwise, it’s gonna be one foot in the desktop, one in the Cloud and…a corporate pulled groin for the effort.

Too much allegory? Let’s try this: Stockholders. If you’re reading this. For the sake of your investment. For the sake of the strategic future of Microsoft. Tell SteveB thanks for the above average job to this point but, we need someone to take us forward. Happens to everyone. It’s happenin’ to you. Here’s your watch, here’s your trillion dollars. Thank you. Goodbye.

Rebutt the Shillmeister

Shillmeister’s up to new tricks. Said this:

">> My FUD just mirrors what most Softies have: Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt. Your FUD mirrors MSFT's F@#Ked Up Decisions!>>

Tsk, tsk... Such animosity, sir... I think most people here realize by now that you don't constructively have the best interest of the company in mind... Since you are not an employee and you don't seem to be a concerned customer, what motivates you to kick us when we're down and to demonize us when we do something right?

Constructively, you'll probably get more real credibility here if you stopped calling us Softies."

Wow! Just now figured this one out. This is where the INTERNAL clever writer pits this EXTERNAL clever writer against the rank-and-file!

Not true, Softies! (What else should I call you? Tell me.) I want your success. You're good for us all. Just want you to get to the point where, when we hear your corporate name, we think "nice thoughts."

And, you need outside folks like me with no skin in the game to tell it like it is. Arrogant? Perhaps, but, in my heart-of-hearts, I want to do you right.

So, I wouldn't ever want to kick you when you're down (when have you been down?) and your leaders do a much better job than I could ever do, of demonizing you. I just hope you will rise up above the muck and mire of your sleazy corporate image and, one-by-one, day-by-day...prove us wrong. Go Softies!

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - Various Butts and Rebutts

Softies, check out the Ballmer Butt Bandits - New comment on Random October Bits Cutting Room Floor. The banner ad I see is trying to sell me “Anti Monkey Butt Powder”. Glad I could open you up to a whole new world of niche products. Gonna git me some!

Mini says SteveB is great one-on-one, which is a bit surprising in a posting with the title beginning “Ballmer Butt Bandits” but, who am I to judge?

Inside SteveB

Also, we get a rare peek into the inner sanctum, as it were, with a visual of Mini and SteveB, one-on-one, yucking it up. Nice guy. SteveB. He gets it!

Well, Mini, I get it too and, a lot like SteveB, I ain’t using it! I’m trying but, these little forays into poison pen purgatory have limited effect. But, I press ahead without fear.

Rebutt the Shillmeister

Shillmeister’s up to new tricks. Said this:

">> My FUD just mirrors what most Softies have: Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt. Your FUD mirrors MSFT's F@#Ked Up Decisions!>>

Constructively, you'll probably get more real credibility here if you stopped calling us Softies."

Wow! Just now figured this one out. This is where the INTERNAL clever writer pits this EXTERNAL clever writer against the rank-and-file!

And, you need outside folks like me with no skin in the game to tell it like it is. Arrogant? Perhaps, but, in my heart-of-hearts, I want to do you right.

2006-10-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Microsoft – In the Zone: “The Comfort Zone of the Mediocre”

Feeling a little down lately, Bubby? Leaving work each day wondering how the code you wrote today fits into the whole scheme of things tomorrow? Anxious for a challenge but, looking around, you just don’t see one? Wondering if your company is self-imploding?

Not to worry, Softies. There’s a name for this condition. It’s called the "Microsoft Comfort Zone of the Mediocre". Now, before you throw a hissy fit, I’m not necessarily talking about you, Bubala . I’m talking about your company: Microsoft.

Want a way out of all this and still get to keep your Softie stripes? Listen up!

First, you must accept one simple mantra. You’ve heard it before, it’s trite but, like “One Day at a Time”, it can have a tremendous impact upon the future of your company (or any company, for that matter). It goes like this:

“Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way”

That's right, “Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way!” By lead, I mean Innovate - combine your creativity with action; by Follow, I mean copy - use price, features or synergy as your differentiator; by Get Out of the Way I mean “go do something else. Recap: Be a good Innovator, be a better copycat or just GTF out!

If you can feel that surge of leader/innovator blood coursing through your veins, by God, go do it! If you want to follow, well then be the best damn follower you can be! And, hey, when in doubt, do both, if you can. But, do one or the other or both or...get out!

Now, as a company, your products and services must be designed in the same way: Either innovatively or with some price, feature and/or in some synergistic combination with other products and/or services to provide an advantage...a buying proposition. Makes sense, yes? You either have to be first mover or build a better mousetrap, right? If not, the third choice will be made for you and you will...well...become irrelevant. See yah! Bye, bye, so long, farewell!

So, why do I apply this to you and your $35 billion-in-the-bank-$1-billion+revenue-per- month-company? Because, I believe you Softies are blindly entering an era where you are neither innovating nor building a better mousetrap and, if you don’t have the courage to change, in time, you will all become irrelevant. I say, “In time” because…it takes a while to burn up $35 billion. Tsk.

Let’s Look at Microsoft and Innovation (Tsk!)

There are no significant examples of Microsoft as innovator, both past and present. However, it should be mentioned that, when Bill Gates (1590 on SATs, estimated 170 IQ) licensed QDOS -- Quick and Dirty (prophetic?) Operating System, a version of CP/M licensed from Seattle Computer Products – in 1980, to IBM, the company that started the PC revolution and, shortly thereafter, MS-DOS to Compaq and offshore clones, he was, in effect demonstrating some of the elements of leadership, if not innovation, by capitalizing on that fortuitous sequence of events.

More Interesting History

With the PC explosion coming from IBM/Compaq, Microsoft cobbled together Windows 1.0 in 1981 using a derivative of Xerox while Apple did same. Since then, Apple’s GUI has been clearly easier to use and prettier to view, it’s just that Microsoft had all those PCs on which to put/force theirs. Windows 3.0 sold 10 million copies from 1990 to 1992 and the money came pouring in!

OK, Softies you know it and I know it; every single one of Microsoft’s products and technologies is copied or developed from prior art. If you don’t believe me, see David Wheeler's assessment here. And, it’s been this way throughout the years. It could be said that, “Microsoft doesn’t innovate, it captures.” So, it’s clear, Microsoft, that you can’t or won’t innovate. The question now becomes: What’s left to capture?

What’s Left to Capture

Used to be Microsoft would buy up the only game in town, add a few bells, fewer whistles and shove it down our throats – Windows. Or, they would buy the 2^nd best game in town; do the same and steamroll the competition – MS Word.

And, let’s remember, these were programs; finite and bounded by their features, the “desktop”, as it were. No esoteric marketing schemas involved, no mashups and advertising models for geeks to figure out; just write some code and go home.

It’s not clear that this “desktop capture and rewrap mojo” is even working anymore. One such “program” of recent kidnapping, Great Plains Accounting, has had its name changed twice, been buried in lackluster marketing and sent its original CEO hightailing it back to Fargo. (I am a Great Plains Certified Accounting Application Specialist and, to me, this is a travesty!)

So, there’s no more desktop fun to be had, Softies. If you haven’t already, begin your grieving…NOW.

The Handwriting’s On “The Cloud”

It’s not comfortable too far away from that desktop, is it? It’s only natural to want to stay there, tethered to that Microsoft-grown walled garden, using Windows, Office and Windows-compatible programs written by companies who respect you, fear you and perhaps loathe you. Ouch! (Well, not you, your company. There’s a kind of schizophrenia, isn’t there? You work for a company that bullies the rest of the world and yet…you’re not a bully. Oh, the irony!)

Anyway, I digress. Recap: Nothing left to capture. Desktop’s becoming irrelevant. C’mon, admit it! It’s why you took 5 years to build Vista, only to have the world tell you, “Pretty good job, Softie, but…no features! You’re still in shock and denial regarding the demise of the desktop. It’s only natural.

It’s why you tied a yellow ribbon ‘round the old oak Word, Excel and whatever. To keep the dream alive! We don’t blame you for that. We just hear what you don’t…the music…from the cloud. Turn around. It’s time to face the music. It’s coming from the Cloud.

“Ooo, Eee, Get Offa My Cloud”

Softies, there’s no more desktop to capture…it’s all slowly, painfully - for Microsoft, perhaps - moving to the cloud…the Internet. And, Microsoft hasn’t convinced its stockholders that it can move along with it. Cloud’s a place where some programs reside away from the desk; a place where programs other than Microsoft’s can be used. Gulp! A place where information is paid for by subscriptions (Gulp! Gulp!) and advertisements (Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!)

You mean, “Cloud’s got other players, big and small who know the lay of the clouds better than I do? You mean, I don’t own the cloud and all the things that go on there? You mean I might have to play nicely? You mean, I gotta learn about subscriptions and advertising real fast ‘cuz that’s the way they do things on the cloud? You mean, since I’m not an innovator, I’ve got to dress up my current offerings for the cloud using price, features or synergy as a differentiator? Why, we've got Ray Ozzie to do that. Whew!"

Not so fast, Microsoft! What about the business proposition? And what about content; sex appeal, desirability as it were? All you really know is “features” and how to buy them.

"You mean you're talking a whole system, away from the desktop with monthly income just a…dribbling in?" (Gulp! Barf!)”

Yes, I am afraid we are.

Wait, There’s Still Hope!

Recap: Cloud’s here to stay; you got lotsa money, no experience. What’s a body to do?

One Good Solution: Be the Best Follower You Can Be

Recap: You’re not an Innovator/Leader. Cloud’s a calling.

Ray Ozzie – Copy some unique Cloud solutions.
Grieve the Desktop but milk it dry!
Hire Cloud Expert, Fast! – Nobody there knows the cloud, the biz proposition, the ad models, subscriptions, buzz, web site appeal, and more. Cloud expert needs to be a “been there, done that” person with great cloud clout and great cloud charisma. Position on level with Ray Ozzie if not…dare I say…CEO!
Since cloud is about sharing, learn to share (not you, Softies! Your bosses and the corporate culture). As you learn to share, you’ll be penalized greatly for arrogant, bully behavior, especially when everyone is more equal than before.
As you see the fun in sharing you’ll see the fun in being good; less evil. One can only hope!

One Best Solution: Be the Best Follower You Can Be and Gradually Innovate

Recap: You not an Innovator/Leader. Cloud’s a calling.

All of the “Good Solution” above plus:
Establish an Innovation core in your organization that transcends departments and divisions that fosters Innovative solutions to cloud problems and…less evil. One can only hope!

What Makes Softies Unique

You have been chosen to work for a very successful company with unmatched power to do good…or not.
You are very talented, quite educated and deserve to work for a company that has the power to utilize all of your talents and promote your growth. Microsoft may just evolve into that company. You decide.
You have a unique opportunity to be a part of something very exciting (if Microsoft listens to others) or to languish in the Comfort Zone of the Mediocre (judging from past experience).

Carpe Futuro, Softies!

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - About Mini & Me...You Might be Surprised!

At the risk of over-publishing, I thought you should know the truth about Mini and Me and our relationship. I have no second thoughts about telling you because....well...it's the truth.

First, let me say how appreciative I am that there is such a thing as Mini-Microsoft. As a writer and a geek I've come from 8080 DOS to Vista and WordStar to WordPerfect to Word. I must say that Microsoft Office applications are without a doubt the best productivity solutions in the world.

But I, like others, have had issues with Bill Gates and his methods of doing business. And, I believe that the rank and file at Microsoft are truly good people in a generally evil company. What a great place to do some good through Mini-Microsoft!

Now, the surprise. Mini is my bastard half brother. No, just kidding! The surprise is that Mini and I have absolutely no conversant contact with each other. He publishes me when he wants and I'll sign my comments as either Anonymous or Microstiff.

My point is this. The guy is sterling! (I think it's a guy). He tries as hard as anybody I know or have known to see both sides. Softies, you have a gem here. And, I am not just kissing up. Losing Mini to me only means I can't comment on his blog as Microstiff. No big deal.

Why am I saying all this? So you'll know that we work independently and yet complement each other rather naturally. Mini is very good at shutting down my more vociferous Microstiff/anonymous posts. I'll usually reread and rewrite after a denial from him or...just throw it all away. So, you are being represented very well, at Microsoft, by this guy.

Keep posting to him and tell him what you think. I don't believe there is any legal way you can loose your anonymity when posting from a non-company computer. Keep up the good work, Softies!

"Illegitimi non-carborundum"

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - Mini Hiatus? Why? WTF Indeed!

Yo, Mini. You bring us to new heights of ecstasy only to roll over and start reading the company manual.

And of course, little old me smells a fly in the rat's ointment (Sorry, my eastern Euro accent came back for just a moment). What I'm saying is...stay the course. There are no part-time patriots. AA says, "there's no half measures". I say, "there's no half truths!"

It all comes down to this. You'll lose some of us, sure as can be. Even me if you're gone too long. This universe of ours leaves the window of opportunity open for just so long!

Softies, if the Mini-dude does this, consider commenting on Microstiff. I can't promise the same insider insight but...you can. We will both get to the truth, I can assure you. You can expect interesting comments from me with humor and bite. Don't let this resource -- me -- get away. As a matter of fact, I'll consider not screening the comments unless it gets out of hand.

I don't want this because I think Mini is doing grand but, in the words of the immortal Yogi Bera, "It ain't over until it's over." And, dear hearts, IT AIN'T OVER!

I'll hang on for as long as I can but, no Mini, no Stiffie unless we find another Mini. If you are going to come forward, do it now as a link so we'll all know. Hurry! Mini, you have no idea how important you are. Until then, comment here and make it anything you want it to be with truth as the goal. If that's not what you all want, that's what you'll get. But, if any of this is being done for political or monetary reasons, the universe will ferret it out and truth will survive, in some form. And that, Softies, is the whole truth!

"Illigitimi non carborundum!"

Addendum: (10/10/2006; 8:15 a.m.) Whew! Just read your "not leaving just slowing down" comment. I know I feel better. Did not want to break up the Festrunk Brothers: "Hey, how many astro sign medallions can you wear?" You know, Giorgi and Yortok. "Because.....we are.....TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS!" Well, at least we're two crime fighters coming from opposite ends of the spectrum. It's fun.

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-10T06:31:00.000-07:00

Microstiff – Softies on Mini Bring About Change!

Congrats to Mini and the commenters on his Blog. The way this author sees it, you have spoken up and made a difference. Isn’t that why we’re here? Here’s what you did:

"No, Friday is 'dress down day'"

"This high, Ben, you jump this high!"

"Package? Package! How could you say that!"

Benjamin J. Romano Seattle Times technology reporter while interviewing LisaB says,

She sees this [myMicrosoft] as a more favorable venue to air company complaints than external blogs such as Mini-Microsoft, which she reads but does not participate in.”

It’s to your credit that your words were posted on Mini’s site. And, it’s to LisaB’s credit that she reads your words. And, I believe she may be listening, too. Here’s why:

Benjamin J. Romano Seattle Times technology reporter goes on to say:

Looking further ahead, Brummel said the company will revamp the way managers are evaluated by their staff. Now employees can give feedback on their direct manager, but not on people further up the ladder. That's probably the biggest change on tap for myMicrosoft 2.0, she said.”

This heretofore unmentioned change is now public knowledge and, on face value, just what we wanted and needed: A way to make the manager and worker more accountable to each others goals. Let’s hope this isn’t lip service but a genuine effort to improve the relationship and thus…production.

All in all, this article melted some of the distrust I had for LisaB, which, I might add, came from the perception, real or imagined, that she was “planting” her ideas, just as I do, in the Mini blog. Where I had difficulty, was with the vitriol and deceit of the postings. I refuse to play that way and I continue to have one eye on Ms. Brummel because, after all, no matter what she does or says, she does work for…the Evil Empire. Since birds of a feather and all that…trust and deceit issues will, once again, raise their ugly heads with Ms. Brummel, I fear. I sincerely hope not.

In the meantime, I will continue to play Bad Cop to Mini’s Good Cop for as long as this blog exists. Why? The truth is fun and, after years of figuring out just what truth, is…I enjoy helping you see it and me learn more about it.

Mini-Microsoft: Random October Bits

2006-10-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - "Sir" Explains All.......................

"Is communist plot, Stiff sir. Those who would pull wool over eyes of many good Microsoft people by pretend to be someone else. Is not justify behavior but is act of ticky ticky tembo, no sir rembo, cherry berry roochie, pip perry pembo!"

"Is clear that I myself am making you...for? And?"

"Boola boola, boola boola
Boola boola, boola boola
When we rough house poor old hahvahd
They will holler, "Boola boo"
Oh Yale, Eli Yale! Oh Yale, Eli Yale!
Oh Yale, Eli Yale! Oh Yale, Eli Yale!"

"Open the pod bay doors please, HAL."

"I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

"I'm melting, I'm melting!"

"Corey? Corey? Corrrreeeeee...”

"Dave...my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it."

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Internal Transfers Just Got a Whole Lot Easier

2006-10-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - Take Off that Spirit Gum Moustache, LisaB...

...we know it's you! You can't hide behind that eastern European dialect...forever! Each posting is sprinkled with more and more "the's" and better and better words; if I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming...well...unraveled.

Honestly, your latest post, Sunday, October 08, 2006 11:39:13 PM, (burning the midnight oil, are we?) is filled with clues:

"It is one way to measure the market value of an asset. A good employee is an asset. In economics, the market value of an asset is not what a person think the value but it is what two persons think its value is." - suddenly the eastern European demeanor gives way to Keynesian economics. Rank and file just doesn't think this way; this is coming out of the mouth of a corporate chess player of the HR ilk.

"Take the house example above. Suppose you and your spouse are the only two persons who thinks the house is one million but all other thinks it is only half a million (assume you and your spouse have the same joint bank account). Now, what do you think you want to pay for the house? Do you want you and your spouse competing for the same asset? I bet no. Then why do you want the two groups of Microsoft compete with each other when the salary is going to come out from the same bank account? Microsoft wants you to move freely within the company. But it does not want that the new group gets you by offering more money." - More HR-think. Above all else, encourage growth without expense. Pitiful.
"Microsoft wants that the new group attracts you by offering more opportunity to work better. This is the reason why Microsoft does not want the new group to offer a higher level." - Bullshit! They want to save a buck. More foot shooting, if you ask this author.
"Of course, a strict policy no matter how good it is is never optimal. I am glad Microsoft corrected it in the sense that if the move is an exceptional case then a promotion can be offered." - Yes, of course, we here at HR are always willing to consider the ultra-exceptional case where the employee doesn't REALLY understand how valuable they are and we do. Then...we'll split the difference.

"Value of a multi-facet asset like an employee is quite subjective. It is not always clear what an employee is truly worth." - More high level HR-speak; and...where'd that accent go, Lisa? Your moustache is drooping.
"Like you are never in the market to continuously evaluate your market value similarly the manager does not continuosly keep evaluating you." - HR-speak for "too much effing work...plus, they know the answer, anyway, your value is...well....higher!
"In business it is always professionalism or say money talk. Nobody takes anything personally." - There's the accent! Whew, I was concerned about the possibility of the total Americanization of this eastern European with the big vocabulary and dangling participles! Oh, and by the way, you're right Lisa, nobody ever takes anything personally in business, especially managers feeling betrayed by team members wanting to leave their glorious department. Oh, there's one other group of people who also just might take things personally: Effing Human Beings!

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Internal Transfers Just Got a Whole Lot Easier

2006-10-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

Microstiff - The First Annual "Stiffie Award" goes to "The Peter Principle" (or at least Microsoft's version of it)

Commenter to the Mini-Microsoft site said:

dude, its tough managing a large corp. There is no way in Heaven (ABM) or on Earth (IAM) that inside will generate the creative results you want.

Corps, governments, HR flunkies (sorry Lisa, but you are only as good as the structure you prop up) all have reached their Peter Principled Level of Perfection which destroys individuals and unique solutions, which is exactly what Microsoft needs right now."

Ah, yes, the good old Peter Principle. Thanks for reminding us, dude. Nice alliteration! “Peter Principled Level of Perfection.” Of course, the Peter Principle is about reaching one’s level of incompetence but, alliteration demanded and dude delivered…the alliterative... "Perfection". “Yah see… (spoken like John Stewart doing George Bush) it's because, here at Microsoft, incompetence IS perfection...at least in the management ranks. Yah see?”

But, it’s not the incompetence that destroys individuals and unique solutions; it’s the willingness to REMAIN incompetent. It's what Dr. Scott Peck of "Road Less Traveled" fame calls the "militant ignorance." In other words: Stupidly, stubbornly, continually, denyingly ignoring the facts. Can you think of some examples present in our current political climate? Yah see? How does this relate to Microsoft: Well, IMO, Softies weren’t hired as incompetents; they had to GET THAT WAY! It’s the CULTURE of incompetence that promotes the BEHAVIOR of incompetence. It’s become a habit, primarily at the management levels. But, that’s ALL it is…HABIT. Yah see?

So, there is hope and it comes from on high. That very small group of MSFT managers who, unknowingly or not, promote and cultivate incompetence can likewise...kill it! Let’s use LisaB, as an example:

LisaB has the power to begin to turn the ship around almost immediately. How? Simply stop using employees as HR guinea pigs by requiring the embarrassing notification to current managers of the desire to interview internally; a system that is unnatural, at best, and unusable at worst. A system that promotes departmental incompetence by causing good employees to either depressingly stagnate their own human spirits in their current positions or look outside of Microsoft to nurture that spirit! Either way, Microsoft loses, yah see! (Wow, that's pretty heady stuff - "either way, Microsoft loses." Would make rational men and women wanna stop what they're doin' and...well...do what it takes to...win.)

And, so why not check in with your boss, Lisa, and then take this one small step for the employees and one giant leap for Microsoft and ELIMINATE PERMISSION-BASED INTERNAL INTERVIEWING altogether? Honestly, I wish I were in Lisa’s position to take such a bold yet simple step to bring so much good to 71,000 employees! It’d be a no brainer to me – no money, no costly program administration just a simple announcement. Yah see?

Mini-Microsoft: Microsoft Internal Transfers Just Got a Whole Lot Easier