Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

........To:....Partner 236 of 900
Subject:....Your firing
Dear Partner:

My friends at Radio Shack have opened the doors for me. This email is to inform you that your services are no longer needed. In fact, your services are no longer...well...we really don't know just what it is that you do here at Microsoft.

Melinda and I had an epiphany just last week as we were wandering around our sterile, gray 200,000 square foot mansion: "Whatever became of those fellas and that gal whom I rewarded for coming into the fold with me so many years ago? What did we call them, Melinda? Oh, yes, partners."

You all seemed like a good idea at the time. Remember when the 25 or so of us used to go out on Saturday nights and make the endorphins and Dom Perignon flow with tales of many riches and great monopolistic accomplishments. Ah, those were the days!

Well, there's 900 of us now and, as I travel the world putting my money where my mouth is...Melinda says it's time to...well..."spit you out." Something about "...a charity not worthy of the Gates/Buffet name." Right, honey?

So, it is with great reluctance...no, wait...great sorrow....no, how about...relief...yes, that's it...relief. Does that sound right, Melinda? It is with great relief that I let you go. As a business decision, your demise makes good sense as the one billion dollars we pay you each year to obfuscate our mission seems a bit much. We will begin to look for other ways to obfuscate our mission.

You are rich and wealthy and bored anyway, so...see yah!

Your friend in computing,


Mini-Microsoft: Kicking the SPSA Can Again, Raises, and the 66th Percentile

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