Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Microstiff – Bill Gates says McAfee, Symantec -- the Great Vista Castrators!

“BRUSSELS, Belgium - Microsoft Corp. Chairman Bill Gates SEARCH
said Thursday the company's upcoming Windows Vista operating system has survived antitrust complaints by rivals who aimed to "castrate" it.”

Hmmmm. Looks like them two security guards, Mac and Sym, aren’t gonna have access to the kernel anytime soon, huh Bill? No siree! Them boys is gonna be outside with their noses pressed up against that there Aero glass just a waitin’ and a waitin’ for the kernel to open his doors. Ain’t a happenin’! No Kernel for Competitors (KFC) any time soon!

To hear Bill tell it, that would amount to castration! “Yah see, (Dubya-esque), Vista’s got all this testosterone that’s just a boilin’ up inside, dyin’ to git out!” Come January, yah see, we’ll release this cauldron of steaming, burnin' churnin' funk upon the world. Why, women will swoon! Balding men will grow hair! Body builders and professional baseball sluggers will burst like Fenway franks!

Why? Because Symantec and McAffe were each issued a 50 yard restraining order to stay away from the kernel’s huge testeronical balls! And, lord knows they’re big what with all the testosterone of them new features and everythang! (sss-shrink).

Yup, there’s Aero, with those shiny translucent, Apple-like windows and a hefty ram/cpu overhead fee (shrink). Why, there’s the brand new security features. Every time I use Vista, I’ll be thinking of them (Of course, I don’t have to now because everything works fine with XP and with the help of Sym and Mac "The Castrators"!) (shrank)

Let’s not forget all them programs and drivers that worked so well with XP. Gone! (shrunk).

Well, looka here! Them huge Vista balls done shrunk down to the size of a couple of M&M’s. Quick, do something before they melt in...

Moral of the story? You cain’t castrate what ain’t there, Bill. You just cain’t de-nut a neutered eunuch such as the likes of...Vista.

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