Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Microstiff -- Jesus Christ, Superstar…Who Are You What Have You Sacrificed!

Mini-Microsoft and his readers have talked of the very Limited I and II Kim’s of the organization. Isn’t it time for equal time for the Superstars? I mean, hey, they’re people, too! Let’s give them some of that there Blog-arrhea time.

But first, I ask that you not confuse the title of this expose with the 1960’s play or album. I am simply imploring so-called Microsoft superstars to step forward, with a little help from an expletive, to identify yourselves and claim your kudos. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!

F’rinstance, which of you superstars brought us Zune? Please step forward. Applause, please. Hmmm. Sounds faint here in Redmond. Oh, wait, it’s coming from Cupertino! Unplugged Apple Corporate giving thanks!

And, what stable of superstars kept us in pant-wetting suspense over the new OS, Vista, only to produce a product which, at this point in time is literally WORSE than XP in almost every respect; eye candy to the bored? Oh, that’s right, Jim Allchin headed that stable. He’s leaving in January, by the way. And...he's not sure what he’s really going to be doing. Not much of a way to retire, is it? It’s time to clean those stable floors of all the horse shit and make those remaining Vista superstars…Partners.

And, what possessed a bevy of real-live 100% true blue superstars over in Office, to rip off their blue tights and red capes and wrap them around the new Office 12 like an obfuscating ribbon of learning-curve hell? Why, it’s Superstar suicide I tell you!

My Point

It’s easy to see that there are two (2) levels of superstars at Microsoft: Limited I and Limited II:

  1. Limited I Superstar – Good Old Boy Ivy Fraternal! (GO BIF!). Superstars by proclamation. Peter principle is suspended, indefinitely. Modern day examples: All those mentioned above plus Donald Rumsfeld. Prognosis for leaving the company: Highly unlikely. Loves the money, power, facade and will willingly, gladly hurt profits to keep the status quo.

  2. Limited II Superstar – Outperforms others in the department. Go-to person for help and ideas. Loves Kim’s who can get things done. Limited ONLY by Limited I, GO BIF!’s who will move heaven and earth to prevent their growth. Prognosis for leaving the company: Highly likely unless their visibility for changing the world and making a difference is HIGH.

2nd Point

Everyone at Microsoft is currently LIMITED. Why? Because, as long as the VERY LIMITED GO BIF!’s are in place, the masses of talented Limited I and II Kim’s and Limited II Superstars will be prevented from doing good works and will continue to be measured as LIMITED by the very people at Microsoft who are LIMITED THE MOST!

Final Point

There is only one person that this author knows of at Microsoft who is not somehow LIMITED by the GO BIF!’s or the system: Ray Ozzie. Will it only be a matter of time? GO RAY!

Mini-Microsoft: Limited Round-Up, New Souls, and Old Problems
Mini-Microsoft: A Peanut Butter Manifesto for Microsoft to Chew On
Mini-Microsoft: No-so-limited Kim

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