Microstiff - Microsoft Outings of the Third Kind

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Microstiff – Becalmed Whilst the Storm Rages About Us?

Strange title wouldn’t you say, mate? Let’s see if I can shed some light on it and my own particular mixed bag of gifts – Christmas-New Years-Microsoft gifts.

Yes, it’s the New Year, indeed, and I am so filled with EVERYTHING to say that I have nothing to say. I stare straight ahead at the 19” Gateway, snot running down my face; soon, my right eye starts to twitch. It now gives way to my right upper lip. Twitch. Twitch. “Hmmmm…right side, only?”, I think to myself. “Has a left brain overload manifested itself?”

The lip twitch continues as I catch a glimpse of myself in the monitor. Elvis? Is that you? “Yeah, baby. I’m caught in a trap…I can’t walk out…” My perfect imitation of the Big “E” is probably more perfect in the shower, I muse.

Suddenly, it comes to me. Why not write about this curious period of suspended belief that seems to be out there, now, as we speak. You know, the one where ALL is CALM, ALL is BRIGHT! Can you feel it? Can you smell it? Can you see it? It’s all being so magnificently cooked, sliced, diced and presented to us, served up on silver platters by tuxedoed waiters at New York’s Cipriani Restaurant.

What the hey, when you spend the most money ever on re-lipsticking your cash pigs, er…cows, Windows and Office, something’s gotta give, right? And thus, this curious period of suspended belief.

Clue #1 - Writer’s write softer about the behemoth. Why? Can you say Acer? I knew you could. But, they began to write softer a few weeks before the Acer Giveaway. It’s more than that, folks. It’s more than that. Draw your own conclusions. $35 billion’s a lot of money to spread around. It’s what makes grown men and women wanna slip the tongue to Revlon-ed porkers.

Clue #2 – The Behemoth discovered a new word: “WOW”! This is the newest Microsoft feature, soon to be patented by the now-elevated-to-God-status Microsoft Legal Department – “Wow”. Repeat after me: Wuh – ahh – ooh…Wow. Wow!

Microsoft intends to use “Wow” to benchmark the January 30th release of Vista and Office 12. As in “Wow, look at that new Aero see-through window! Isn’t that…hey…where’d it go? It’s opaque, now!” Ok, there it is…back again. Which one is the open window? I can’t tell…they’re all Aero-ish…kinda!” Wow!

Clue #3 – Fairy tales and comic books to describe the enchantment of …the Ribbon. Wow! We love you Jensen and Julie but, this time, you didn’t listen hard enough. However, all is not lost. You’ve finally made your “bones”. You’ve gone to the other side. You are now “made” members of “La Wow-a Nostra” (Our Little Wow).

Other clues abound. Can you see some? Do you care? I feel myself gradually moving from offering up ideas to build a better Microsoft to the “hopeless” side of the meter. Are we all prepared to stand by while this once great company falls into ruin? Will their arrogance and insularity cause us to applaud the day?

Who knows. Ah, the twitch has abated. My creative, intuitive right brain has won again. Living to write another day during this curious time of suspended belief.

What say you?

Addition on 12/6/2007: Ding-Dong Death Knell?

Mini-Microsoft: Time Travel Around the Windstorm

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